Maintaining the Intimacy

Our lives and our D/s has been dominated by littlegem’s pregnancy this year. What has been important is that we maintain a connection that keeps us close, avoiding the pitfalls of disconnection that come from the realities of growing a new life. 

Having gone through this experience between us I know the physical toll that it has had on her body and that has a lot of consequences in regards to confidence and emotional well being. In the past this has led to feelings of resentment from both of us towards each other as we have failed to communicate our needs and concerns. 

With that in mind and being in a D/s relationship this time around we have taken a proactive approach to tackling what it is that made us feel less close. Having a baby is always going to put pressure on a relationship but there is no reason why it can’t be managed in a way that makes the experience worth looking back on fondly. 

Maintaining the Intimacy

I made it clear that I wanted to document the journey through photography, however there are times when that is not always appropriate. These are the times that require understanding and support. It’s not going to be sexy all the time and we have to accept that it is then that we need each other the most. 

Nowadays, as we approach the final weeks before new life is about to see the world the physical strain of littlegem’s pregnancy is showing, she feels tired and aches. When I come home she no longer greets me at the door like she would, I wouldn’t want her to now that it’s more of a struggle. When it comes to the evening more often than not tiredness means that play just isn’t possible. It’s easy to before accustomed to a reduced feeling of Dominance and submission.

We are still having sex, albeit with a reduced menu of positions and kinks, and maintain a lot of intimacy through cuddling. We have discussed our needs when sexual intimacy is no longer an option, at least temporarily. There is going to be a period of time where sex isn’t viable and that is when we need to be strongest together.

We both made clear to each other that we want to feel desired and loved. So to that end we are making a conscious effort to affirm our commitment and our attraction greater than we were before. When the cuff that goes round her ankle at night is placed on, or removed in the morning we will embrace and tell each other words we’d like hearing. 

For me personally this means knowing that I am desired sexually, that despite going through a process that will concentrate a lot of her attention on the baby (and our other children) that she still has feelings for me. This might be because I place a strong connection between sex and emotional connection. To be that intimate maintains those feelings and without it I can feel lost or unwanted. Therefore I need to understand that non sexual intimacy will have to bridge the gap to a time when a new normal is restored. 

I worry this comes across as my fragile ego not being given the attention it sorely wants, as I guess there is some truth in that. I want to feel desired as much as the next person. I want to feel a deep emotional connection as well as a physical one. It is not understanding this and communicating what each other needs and how we feel that allowed this falter before. Our commitment to being parents again means that time and attention has to be redirected, but that is not to say love and connection can’t. 

I want to feel that skin to skin contact to feel that intimate connection. I want to know that she wants me too and that I still desire her. I want to feel like we are going through this together, that way we are stronger as the weeks draw nearer.

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5 Replies to “Maintaining the Intimacy

  1. I love that you share your feelings with us, PS, as so little men do that. Your feelings are valid, absolutely. And, you are a lucky man with a beautiful wife like Gem 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

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