Littlegem and I are sitting in the bath, it’s one of the relaxing things we like doing together. The topic of new years resolutions came up and she asked me what mine would be. Now I’m not a resolution kind of person, although I do feel it’s good to have some self evaluation every once in a while.
“I’m going to say yes more.“
I’m the one in the relationship that usually says no. I am the kingmaker, the one that makes he final decision and sometimes that makes me the stick in the mud. Littlegem sees opportunity, all the possibilities and positives. I see practicality and reality. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, that’s just how we are. I have responsibilities, I look after the finances, I make choices that go between head and heart and that means making decisions that are unwanted but ultimately necessary.
I don’t like that feeling. It’s like I have let people down, like when I stopped us going for a family walk to the beach a few weeks ago because it probably wasn’t the right thing to do given the circumstances. Yes we all love a trip to the beach, I have so many fond memories and the kids love it, even if it is bloody cold. Instead we stayed indoors and made the most of the situation we had. I believe my choice was ultimately the correct one, but entertaining the idea then poo-pooing it causes friction.
On the other hand there have been many occasions when I have indulged littlegem’s idea, despite my concerns, and we have had a good time. It makes me feel silly in the first place for putting up barriers.
Choices aren’t black and white, we balance the options and choose one that we believe is the right thing to do. We should accept that the decision won’t always be correct and that is a reasonable consequence of having to take responsibility.
Because of this, and a few other reasons, we took a break. Stepped away a little, didn’t take photos, didn’t play like we did at Christmas and just focused on what it really was that we needed. This meant communicating, a lot. If there is one thing that I am awful at doing it is conveying exactly what it is that I want. We noticed that there were behaviours that were a result of us both trying to make the other happy, a nice sentiment, but not if it doesn’t have the desired affect on the person you’re trying to please. So we came up with a few changes.
Littlegem’s weekly schedule needed a few tweaks. This is more down to a review of its purpose, especially since life has changed since it was last updated. Gone are the rewards that were not having the positive affect that I wanted. She was chasing goals that were getting increasingly difficult and it just wasn’t working. Instead the routine focuses on her everyday tasks, with more micromanagement. Less sexy, but more practical.
A lunch menu is made for her so that she eats properly. Even things like brushing her teeth is on there to complete. The tasks are achievable and suit her little side as it allows her to feel looked after while we’re apart when I’m at work. Some of the tasks that were extra curricular, such as taking photos for me regularly, are taken off as she now has too much on to make it fun. The joys of home schooling, whilst looking after a pre schooler and looking after the house. This is just an adjustment we have to make.
Littlegem no longer kneels in the evening. The value of this ritual has been diminished by the fact that children don’t go to bed as readily as they used to. The purpose of kneeling was to help transition from parents to D and s and that was no longer serving its function. We still have time in the evening to do fun things, it now happens at our own pace.
Photos & Body Positivity
We took some time off taking photos and I missed it. I wasn’t in the right mood, nor was littlegem but there was still a desire for that feeling again. It has made me sad that I hasn’t been able to go outside and take photos in 2020 as much as I wanted. When I look at the photos I do it instantly reminds me of where we were, how it made me feel. I miss that, so much. We can take photos in our house, and that’s fine but not the same. We had opportunities to go away last year and took them and I’m so grateful for that. I just want to feel like we can again soon, but of course that is up in the air right now.
But it doesn’t mean we still can’t try at home. I asked littlegem to not be negative about her own body, and that I should do the same. Its easily done, a flippant comment here and there. Taking and sharing photos feels good and that is something of value I want to keep. Therefore I will try and make it more regular, especially after stopping.
We both decided (yes it was mutual decision) that littlegem would suck my cock more. There is an intimacy in her gently going down on me and we both take great pleasure in it. Therefore almost every night and some mornings she has sucked my cock. So much that I now ask (or tell) , which I never did before. I used to hate asking, maybe a fear of rejection, but if you don’t ask the answer is always no. I really enjoy how bonding this has been, how hard she makes me, how wet she gets doing it. We have had a lot of sex and it has felt really hot.
I told littlegem not to swear last year and that she would be punished if she did. The value was that it would turn her into a prim and proper girl that considered what she said. This didn’t turn out the way I planned, and although breaking the rules allowed punishment it was clear this wasn’t having an affect on her behaviour. This undervalued my authority and ultimately wasn’t working. Quite frankly sometimes we need to swear in these times.
These changes are about making positive steps. So I am saying yes to what makes me happy. I am saying yes to the things in our life that give us value. I am accepting that there are realities such as children and Covid and I am making plans to keep the sexy on the right path still.