This is part 2 of a week long diary, covering real life events and thoughts over 7 days. To start from the beginning click here.
Littlegem is in better spirits today, despite the fact that the weather is horrid. I message her not long after I get into work as she has walked in the rain with the children. The fact she is wet turns into flirty messages, this helps settle my mood for the rest of my day at work. When away from the home, I still feel a duty to look after her and at least I know she is doing well.
On arrival home that evening I notice that nobody is downstairs, heading upstairs I’m met by littlegem but she is withdrawn. The children are messing about, I need to read the situation. I understand kids can be a nightmare sometimes and clearly this has worn her down. I make the decision to allow gem the space she needs, trusting that it is the right course of action. When the time is right she is reminded to be present again so that the children can be put to bed and we can enjoy our evening together.
Before bed we have a bath together to reconnect, a good time to discuss the previous events. She apologies for how she was earlier that evening, explaining that things had got on top of her. I feel no need for her to explain her reasons, I know she tries really hard. She really is a fantastic mother and getting stressed is just part of it, I know that I have felt the same feelings all too often.
She is however pushing her luck as a sub. A recent rule I introduced was no swearing, and it’s going through something of a trial phase. Its intention is about littlegem presenting herself nicely, whilst simultaneously being my naughty girl. As with all rules, there needs to be purpose and consistent upkeep. However when she slips, some of the words go unnoticed, I would put this down to language I’m accustomed to but it’s no excuse. This time however she is saying it purely to get a reaction, even saying “what you going to do daddy?”
By the time we are out of the bath it is late and time for bed. This means that anything that follows will have to be quiet considering the tiny occupants asleep nearby. She was pressing my buttons and clearly this can’t go on without a need to assert myself. Therefore a cane is taken into the bedroom and gem is instructed to lay on bed, over my lap with her head cushioned by the pillow. She is reminded that I don’t take kindly to her language and behaviour, she is to count to 20 as I strike her with the cane. 20 strikes later she squirms with red stripes on her bottom, hopefully a suitable punishment.
Given that impact play had been delayed the day previous I continue with the cane but more gentle this time, holding her hip with one hand to keep her close whilst hitting her with the other. Using the base more than the tip to give softer thuds. This seems to calm her and as it turns out becomes the foreplay for sex before bed.
The use of impact toys as a punishment or as part of play has been challenging for me. Mostly down to my limits and fears being different to hers. So it’s comforting that in this situation I have been able to switch from an action that puts her from a disobedient sub to one that has fallen back in line, followed by play that enhances our mindset.
Its not just the way that I’m hitting her, it’s the feelings I give with the words I choose to use. A punishment is firm and directive, she is told that she has done wrong and must be corrected. Play is more communicative about how she likes it, how her body reacts. I don’t always get the right balance but when it works it feels nice that I’m able to control her in such a way.