This is the second part of an impromptu evening. You don’t need to read the first bit to understand the next. All you need to know is that I’ve come twice during play, which is unusual for such a short space of time. Littlegem only the once.
Having just played downstairs we headed up to bed, satisfied from our evening of weirdness. We talk some more about the play we did and how it made us feel.
“What’s wrong?” Littlegem asks, she can see an expression of confusion on my face.
“I’m hard again,” I’m starting to wonder if I am broken or that there is more to the enjoyment of our play than I realised. Regardless it is late but neither of us are tired.
“Want to wear each other out?” I say “It’ll help us feel tired.”
This is quite unprecedented, the possibility of 3 orgasms in one evening is something of my teenage years when I could have gone pro in the masturbation leagues. I used to practice tirelessly. Perhaps this is less about physical capability more mental stimulation from being so intimate. Either way I’m not wasting this opportunity, littlegem is more than ready having not yet been penetrated.
With this being the 3rd crack at it, so to speak, it does feel unusual. My erection feels different, but I’m not sure how, more.. veiny? It has the soreness of two previous ejaculations but I’m ignoring that, that’s future me’s problem. All I know is that I have all of the sensations but none of the desire to come, not even close.
“I’m going to have to fuck you really hard,” I tell littlegem, she growls in anticipation.
Now here’s the thing, in a typical sexual situation I am almost always concerned with coming too soon. Since the definition of premature ejaculation is simply feeling that climax has been reached before intention then my concerns are valid. I am prone to over worrying. Worrying that I’m having to go too slow, thereby not being enough for her.
Littlegem is my main priority during sex, I could say she comes first, but obviously sometimes that isn’t true. I want her to be satisfied and there has been plenty of occasions of post sex fingering to give her the orgasm she needs, but let’s be honest one isn’t usually enough for her anyway.
Not a Confident Person
It’s fair to say I am not the most confident person, that comes out in my writing because I wouldn’t want to paint a picture of our sex life based on a fallacy that a Dom has to be infallible, knowledgeable and is free of worry.
In a recent post, it was noted that I was writing with more confidence. The post, about littlegem asking to be used sexually highlighted how removing some of the pressures of sex can make me feel more comfortable. There are many factors for not feeling as confident.
I don’t have the best relationship with my body, being short, scrawny and of no particular attraction. Obviously as a teenager you have issues such as penis size and spots, the latter which is of more concern to me now as I have terrible skin. Having a partner that loves and supports you is great for personal confident booster but it doesn’t mean those feelings go.
One of those reasons why stressful situations like a lockdown can cause worry is that it highlights the problems you may have. So maybe I have felt worse about myself, felt less confident. I identify as male but certainly don’t believe I have a male figure, not a ‘typical one’ anyway. I have the look of a particularly weather beaten child, a boy. Now at the age of 30 maybe I can feel more confident being who I am, through the kink I enjoy and the sexual relationship I have with littlegem.
Back to the Now
But right now, in this moment none of it matters, I can fuck like a porn star. It’s not long before I tell littlegem to get on all fours so we can do it doggy style, ironic given the previous play, and thrust as deep and as hard as I want. I picked this because I knew it is a typically troublesome position, having to slow down just when it gets good. But no, she is taking all I can give her and my only limitation is the physical exertion of hard fucking.
Knowing that this is an opportunity not to be missed I hand gem a sex toy for her clit. She is told to pleasure herself as much as possible, screw denial, if I’m going to be sore the next day she sure as sugar is too. She asks if I’m sure that she can come. Confirmed, she is told as many and as long as she can.
Littlegem makes all the right noises, all the right squirms and twists from pleasure as I pound her hard. She does that silent body shudder that I love feeling against me. It is truly satisfying to be part of that experience. Finally, after gem is limp from multiple orgasms, its my turn. Frankly I’m surprised that I even can. But it’s late now and we are both exhausted. It’s no wonder when we are awoken early the next morning that we don’t want to get up. We are both sore, but it was absolutely worth it.
What Sex and Kink Means to Me
Sex, in its various forms, makes me feel connected. It is the ultimate intimacy, the two of us providing pleasure to each other. It makes me feel wanted. Somebody likes me enough to want to play with my bits and that makes me feel sexier than I would without it. Having that connection means that I am comfortable enough to share with littlegem emotional vulnerability. Being able to explore my kinks and all the other parts of our sexual relationship bring us fulfilment. But it is deeper than that, there is a well being that comes from dealing with our insecurities. We feel better about ourselves for having a relationship based on trust and communication.