Hello, my name is PurpleSole and I am dependant on my wife littlegem.
It makes sense that so much of our life is shared. We are married and live together, so much of what we do is as a twosome, even having a website as a couple.
It’s difficult to comprehend how our relationship differs from others, after all every dynamic is different. As we age we change and the people in our lives shape who we are. All I know is that littlegem and I are inseparable, we are that couple, the annoying couple that always needs to be together.
I have always been that way, maybe that’s down to other factors in my life. I don’t like being alone, I take great comfort in being together. When I’m not at work I’m at home. All the shopping, all the family time is all of us. We go to bed together at the same time and even share baths.
Do I wish for time just for me? Yes I do. Occasionally littlegem will go out for an evening, giving me the time to do all the things I’d planned in my head. But when the time comes I sit unproductive and wait for her return. I can’t sleep until she is back, I tell her to message me to know that she safe when she arrives and again before she leaves. Writing that down makes me seem paranoid, but I want to protect her.
Almost all of my adult life has been with littlegem so it is difficult to think of life in any other way.
Help my Feelings
Having someone there is great for my mental health. Knowing that I can share thoughts I would otherwise keep to myself, even if it’s little things. I know my own personality, I know that I am quiet and passive. Having littlegem as a sub pushes me to take control.
My own feelings to withdraw lessen when it comes to looking after her. I found myself taking the lead when we went away recently, and that’s what I want. It’s almost as if those feelings aren’t good enough for me, but they’re good enough for her. Yes it’s easy to beat yourself up in these regards, but having someone acknowledge my own growth is validating. Having someone to look after gives me purpose.
Interdependency is Hard
Being dependent on each other is hard and takes a lot of work. It doesn’t just happen. We respect each other and make an effort to maintain high standards of each other. It means picking up each other when these standards slip, but it’s better to voice our concerns than stew on those interactions which could cause resentment. We can’t simply pretend that life doesn’t stress us out and make us angry or sad in a way we can just ignore. We are there for each other good or bad. When you spend a lot of time together you need to be able to evaluate and adjust, to listen and be understanding.
I understand that it is not for everybody. To make such a huge commitment, because that’s exactly what it is. It is a calculated risk, one where all of my emotional eggs are being put in a basket of togetherness. When it works it is a wonderful sense of warmth that comes from someone always being there for you, like a net to catch you when you fall. But if it wasn’t to work out for whatever reason then I’d find myself incredibly alone.
I love being in the position that I am in. I have a wife who is also my sub but also my best friend. She knows all that needs to be known about me. She knows how to pick me up when I’m down, she knows how to get the best out of me. Not for one second do I believe that I am anything other than incredibly fortunate to have someone like her, so that we may hold hands and walk through life together. I have allowed myself to be vulnerable by conditioning my life to be dependant on someone else, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.