Reset: Do I Need One

Reset: Do I need one?

Do I need a reset? 

It’s inevitable that at some point a reset in the relationship is needed. More often than not it will be down to a number of factors and out of either partners control in some way or another. But what can be controlled is what you choose to do about it. So the question is when should you decide that a reset is needed?

The first stage is acknowledging that there is an issue. Noticing any changes no matter how small. When I look at our own behaviours there is a pattern of how we both allow the dynamic to slip. The first small change will be littlegem challenging me, trying to take control of a situation or defying me in some way. It may be that she doesn’t call me ‘Master’ when otherwise she would. The same is applicable to me when I don’t use the right names either to create a mindset. What is natural for us begins to slip, and it’s better to acknowledge that before waiting too late, however that’s easier said than done. 

It is then up to me to wrestle that control back, but if I am unable or unwilling to do so then this behaviour can be repeated. It may sound easy to just tell her to step in line, but the reason we get in this situation is usually due a stressful event that can lead to me taking the easiest option.

Too much cuddling

Ok I’ll be first to admit that I love a cuddle, so it may be strange to highlight this as an issue. Occasionally you need it to reconnect or to feel intimacy which is what cuddling provides. The reason it could be an issue is exploring why we are cuddling so much. 

Too tired to do anything else, let’s have a cuddle. Not feeling motivated, cuddle. It can feel like a step backwards to a time before D/s, an evening spent on the sofa in front of the television, then off to bed to sleep. 

Wake up, work, lay on the sofa, sleep, repeat. 

I don’t want to slip back into that routine, I want to play and try new things. We have an opportunity and I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting it. There can always be time to cuddle afterwards and it feels all the better post play.

Turning into ruby

Ruby (littlegem’s little side) pops up now and then. As our dynamic grows Ruby becomes more fluid, flowing in and out easily. There are reasons for this, she may be in a playful mood and want to do fun things. However she may also be feeling vulnerable, an event can cause her to feel a need for support. Most months for example Ruby will tell me that her tummy hurts. I am well aware of what this mean and its important to observe why she needs to be looked after. 

I am responsible for littlegem’s well being, in the same way she has responsibilities to look after our children and the house. In order to maintain that balance it is important that she doesn’t do too much. Her routine plays a part of that, but sometimes she needs to be reminded of small things like drinking enough. This could lead to issues later on, nobody wants to play with a headache. Keeping on top of this and understanding her own feelings may help reduce the need for a reset. 


A word or phrase, with the right tone or direction can do so much. If we have allowed our titles to slip then we can feel lost. Emotions can easily get the best of us, we know what is right but why don’t we do it. The longer it goes on the more it resonates. 

Stepping up, using that stern voice that can escape me occasionally and giving her a command. I’m not asking, I’m telling her, instantly there is a reaction in her. Her body language changes and she replies as she should “Yes Master”. A “Good girl” from me solidifies the feelings we both have. It’s little moments like these that maintain our dynamic. 

Looking after myself

There are two of us in this dynamic and both of us need to be working to keep the relationship how it should be. Therefore I need acknowledge the behaviours that may allow a slip. I always want to be thinking of new ways to play but sometimes I just don’t feel motivated. 

I should tell littlegem, tell her that I’m struggling. But as I write this I know that I don’t, I’m terrible at this and will try to deal with any issues myself. Truth is that when I need littlegem she is fantastic at making me feel better. This may come from active submission, something which I know she wants to pursue more. A bad day at work melts away when she drops to her knees and uses her mouth to pleasure me. This can do wonders to turn a situation around. However depending on the depth of a drop this may be only a plaster on an issue. 

Reset time? 

After acknowledging that there is a dip in our dynamic we need to decide how to move forward. This is personal and therefore different depending on the relationship you are in. For us a simple action such as having her over my knee and giving her a forceful but not painful spanking does a lot. 

As long as the intent is there and all parties want to make it work then there should be no reason why we can’t reset to work on where we’d like our relationship to be. So do I need a reset? If your not sure then the answer is probably yes. Besides nothing like a good excuse for a playful spanking. 


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18 Replies to “Reset: Do I Need One

  1. Being a Dom can be tough … is tough … but as always, your post reflects how thoughtful (as in thinking about and considering your role) you are and shows how well you take care of lg … nj … xx

  2. I am always amazed at how in touch the two of you are with each other, and I love how you have started with the question here, worked through different aspects and came to the same conclusion I would have: it’s different for each relationship. As long as you acknowledge that a reset is necessary, you are at least still on the same page of the book. Great post!

    Rebel xox

  3. This is a great post, not only revealing more about your dynamic but also advising others living the D/s life. Communication is definitely key, an essential component, so you will have to instruct yourself to be clearer in your own moments of struggle. Nobody should push themselves until they break and there must be strain associated with being the dominant partner.

  4. A thoughtful post PS. Like others I love the way the two of you work through the ups and down’s of your D/s life together. A reset is a good thing, but to do so you have to reflect and review. Great post xx

  5. Well written PS. And this is so timely for us as life has been quite chaotic for the past few months and we have been greatly taken off our D/s mojo. We both need a reset. Thanks for the post that we can use to set up a good discussion.

  6. I like the detail you have given here PS as it provides a real insight into how your relationship works. I agree with what you say about resets too and we have found them really beneficial ourselves ?

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