The Awkward Dom

The Awkward Dom

While on holiday as a child my parents decided it was best for me to go to a kids club. They told me it would be good to make friends on holiday but I see now as an adult it was most probably about having time to themselves so that they could enjoy it. 

I hated it, meeting new people, urgh. Of course those in charge had a way of breaking the ice with this array of children of differing ages and nationalities, the name game. Say your name out loud, prefixed with an adjective to describe yourself (preferably alliterative) to the rest of the group. As well as this we had to come up with an accompanying gesture. Having a name beginning with A, I chose awkward. 

“Hello I’m awkward *******”, followed by an awkward mini jazz hands, a shamed look to the floor and hastily sit back down. It bugs me that I remember this so clearly despite it being years ago. Its thoughts like this that pop up into my brain every so often, awkward moments that produce a shudder years later. 

The reason I mention this is that I am on a journey to reclaim these awkward feelings. Part of our D/s dynamic and why we do it is because I want to have that confidence befitting of a husband to my wife and a father to my children. Plus Dom’s are meant to be confident and decisive, that’s a sexy attribute to have.

Taking steps to feel less awkward 

This isn’t a quick fix. It is a slow process down to making changes and implementing them even if they take me out of my comfort zone. I hear advice such as ‘be yourself’ or ‘don’t worry what other people think’ but what kind of advice is that? Worrying what people think is what drives a lot of my decisions so it isn’t going to be that simple. In a D/s scenario worrying about my sub can lead to a cautious approach and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it shouldn’t be there to make the experience less enjoyable. Of course there are safe words and I know littlegem will use them but there is always that thought in the back of my mind. 

“What if she isn’t enjoying this, what if I’m not doing this right, what if I’m hurting her too much?” 

The answer is trust in myself and believe what littlegem says and not what she does. She’ll flinch and say ouch during impact, but that is part of her enjoyment and I’m not yet rewired to ignore that. Awkwardness (the lack of) and confidence it seems go hand in hand. So how will I change that. 

Feel better about me

Being more comfortable in my own skin is a good start. Not being the person that looks down and holds themselves uncomfortably around others. The push here has can from exposing myself more, having found myself in front of the camera a bit more recently. 

And if you’re the kind of person who wants to see a picture of my erect penis, see our Sinful Sunday image this week. 

Look after myself

Most of my reasons for being uncomfortable about myself have been to my weight, or lack off. Short and underweight hasn’t been the sexiest masculine look for a while. Luckily fatherhood has redressed that issue tipping my BMI into the healthy category and littlegem says I look better for it. Strangely the person I see in the pictures doesn’t look how I feel still in the same way you don’t like the way your voice sounds when you hear it replayed to you. 

I have found myself with about 10 minutes free most mornings. Time I have chosen to exercise.  Exercising being a constructive use of time, staving off the need to chronically masturbate at any given alone time. It’s not long but the fact that I’m doing something seems to be a positive driver. 

Getting out there

Meeting people, but not like I did at holiday camp. Meeting similarly minded kinky people. Going to Eroticon this year was the first step and although I felt it was a wasted opportunity in many ways I am determined to do better next year. Having the chance to meet the people from the Internet in person should be grasped with both hands. 

Personal note: Hug and/or speak to Maria Rebelle and don’t wait until the Sunday afternoon to awkwardly introduce myself. 

Going to local munches and being part of an online community goes some way to feeling included. I have tried to comment on more blogs than I would normally, trying to make myself appear confident. In real life situations sometimes just self belief that you are more confident than you really are is a great first step. 

Awkward for good reason

Occasionally being awkward can avoid situations. Having arrived at Eroticon this year we checked ourselves into our hotel and were joined in the lift by a woman who looked like she was there for same reasons as us. 

Ask her if she’s here for the conference, say are you a blogger? Maybe she’s new too. 

I didn’t, we stood in silence and waited for the lift to take us to where we wanted, the British way. It would later turn out that this woman, who I was going to ask if she blogged, was Girl on the Net. Awkward situation averted. 

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25 Replies to “The Awkward Dom

  1. With time and practice … I think you’ll find your confidence will grow, PS … and size doesn’t matter when it comes to Doms (or subs) … I’m a tall gal … my man? – not tall at all :>) … nj … xx

  2. It definitely comes with practise. Like you saw when we met at Eroticon, I try to quell my awkwardness by overcompensating ? Allow yourself time to gradually come out of your shell and don’t put to much pressure on yourself ? And I completely agree, talking to and giving Marie a hug is highly recommended! ? x

  3. Every one has occasions or situations where they’re uncomfortable. But we push through those times and eventually they don’t cause discomfort anymore. Pushing yourself (like you’re doing) is exactly what is needed. Stay well!

  4. Oh PS, while reading, and before I saw my name there, the thought crossed my mind that next year I want to sit down with you and Gem and just have a nice conversation with you. Please let’s do this next year! I am so fond of the two of you and really want to get to know you better. I’ve had my share of awkward situations in my life, always second-guessing myself and always wondering whether what I do is okay for the other. I will always remember that hug in March and want another from both of you next year too! And then I will tell you all about my own first awkward meeting with Girl on the Net 😉

    Rebel xox

  5. Learning to “be comfortable” in one’s own skin is sometimes the most difficult thing to do . . . but feeding off the confidence and enjoyment of others around you, is the most wonderful and empowering of emotions. And I find those exchanges . . . the giving and the receiving . . . are always the most fun, and fulfilling, of occasions !!!

    Xxx – K

  6. Love your openness and next year at Eroticon you won’t have to worry about introducing yourself to me as I am going be looking for u and Gem for sure – no escape I’m afraid 😉

  7. I really felt for you while reading this. I can feel awkward and not be confident in social situations but am lucky that I don’t find things as hard as you do. I think the kids club has a lot to answer for! I liked your ending – that was funny and very eroticon! ?

  8. I think to some extent we are all using some version of smoke and mirrors to help use appear more confident but I have found the fake it till you make it definitely works wonders.


  9. I’m sorry I’m playing catch up but I really wanted to come back to this and thank you for writing it. I could see a lot of C in what you wrote and know that becoming my Dom boosted his confidence and helped with social shyness a lot, allowing him to push himself in terms of managing me, running our munch, going to events etc. and gain a better sense of himself. He’s definitely my introvert to my extrovert, a good balance but not without its challenges sometimes. You’ve always struck me as very confident so I appreciate you sharing such personal reflections, as will many Dom’s and subs alike I’m sure.

    1. Well I’m sure we’ll meet someday and you can tell me if I’m anything like you think I am. Thank you, it’s nice to know that other Dom’s have similar feelings.

  10. Totally get how you feel. We’re all a bit awkward, aren’t we? I’ve always felt uncomfortable because things feel awkward or I feel awkward. Being with other people who feel the same actually makes things a bit more manageable. It’s why I always look forward to Eroticon

    1. Yes I agree although littlegem and I talked about this and she didn’t seem to think so. Netherless Eroticon is an enjoyable experience.

  11. I love how honest you are here. It’s not easy to talk about your own flaws, especially when it’s a social “flaw”. I’m rather socially awkward too, but I can see how it could be worse for a man, who is expected by the world to be confident…add to that the Dom factor, and it’s even more expected. I wish you luck with working on this. I’m always working and I never feel like I get any better. Eroticon was terrifying for me last year and I didn’t meet nearly as many people as I should have for having traveled so far to do so.

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