These words fill me with dread, they shouldn’t do, after all it’s the second home of any British male, or at least it should be, right?
The person asking is the father of one of the children that is at the same playgroup as my own child. He, along with a another father are ditching the family for some rest bite at their favourite watering hole. I don’t really know them that well and my social skills are somewhat lacking. But then again I haven’t been out to a pub in a long time, let alone drink in one seeing as I’m the driver usually. So I say yes, well what I really say is “.. Sure”. Good enough for them, I’m going.
Upon arrival the instigator in this series of events asks what I’m drinking. Now I’m usually a Gin and Tonic man myself but would rather not be crippled into buying 2 drinks that look like 1. They have pints of brown liquid, so go for a pint of cider not being a beer drinker.
Sitting down with them it is clear that if it wasn’t for our children being born at a similar time and within local proximity we wouldn’t be here together. One is an alpha male type, into sports and fitness. The other is a tradesman and goes into technical details about making stuff when he isn’t chain smoking his cigarette. I am out of my depth. My only real ‘hobby’ is this blog and a variety of deviant sexual acts with my wife which probably won’t sit well with two relative strangers. I’m hardly going to begin a conversation about Spanking littlegem’s bottom red raw. The only thing that binds us is children, so we end up talking about child birth.
“You see, I’ve been kicked in the nuts, and that really hurts..”
He needn’t finish this sentence, I know where its going and I stare at him to stop my eyes rolling. His point eventually is that if she is in pain she should ask for pain relief. They both do, after all saves the pain of your hand being squeezed eh lads eh?! Never mind that natural childbirth is a choice.
The evening is enjoyable, but it is tainted with the tone of disrespect. It may as well be summed up by tutting and saying “women eh?” I most probably isolate myself by not agreeing. I found myself alone in the belief that I wouldn’t swap positions with my wife, her going to work rather than staying at home with the children. I know how much pressure she is under and I don’t know how she does it.
It seems your partner is the easiest person to be rude about and that it is completely normal to do so. To the point where I find myself invited into the conversation to be disrespectful about my own wife.
A D/s relationship is about respect, its about listening to your partners needs and looking out for each other. But then again, shouldn’t any relationship? This is not to say I’m perfect in this regard, I have found myself saying things I shouldn’t have and regretted saying them.
Back at the pub alpha male points across the room, at least we think he is. Tradesman very quickly realises he is looking at a waitress who has bent over to serve the table opposite. Now, it’s not uncommon for littlegem and I to admire a stranger. I still remember the time I couldn’t stop looking at a man at a wedding that looked like Ryan Reynolds. But in this situation we are three men in a pub looking at woman’s arse, and it is a little uncomfortable. Discussion with littlegem later confirmed that his partner would not have been happy with this behaviour.
Not Just the Pub
Disrespect for your partner seems to be easy point scoring. The people you can hurt most are those closest to you. Perhaps taking for granted how much they mean to you. It doesn’t seem to matter your age, gender, whatever. It’s all too familiar to hear work colleagues coming to work after a weekend and complaining on a day now referred to as ‘Moanday’.
My children love Peppa Pig. I like it too, it’s funny. However my biggest bugbear is Daddy Pig. He is portrayed as fat, lazy and stupid. It’s hardly the only television programme where those characteristics define the father figure. So when my 1 year old is telling me that I’m a ‘silly daddy’ it shows how much influence it has.
Social norms tell us that its ok to say bad things about our partners and those we love. That it’s fine to degrade them in front of our peers. What I enjoy about this community is reading about dynamics where this isn’t the case, Collared Michael’s blog is a prime example. He has so much positivity for his partner and I can only hope that I can portray that much love of littlegem.