Friends and D/s: You Can’t Just Give Up. Is That What A Dinosaur Would Do?

Friends and D/s- littlegem in the mirror

I have never found it very easy to make friends. I’m not sure I really learnt the skills required to do so. We moved around a bit when I was young, so being the ‘new girl’ a lot made it easier. Everyone has to be nice to the new girl, it’s like the rules?! Well, when they weren’t I was then ‘looked after’ by some older kids. I was fairly small as a child and I think the teachers forced them to look out for me. As I got older and we stopped moving I didn’t have the ‘new girl’ status to fall back on, my friendship group shrank somewhat. But I would consider myself a loyal friend to those I am close to.

The first week of high school my pretty much only friend was on holiday. What an inconsiderate person. I remember being petrified that I was being thrown into an entirely new situation and all by myself. Have I mentioned before that I hate change? Luckily another odd small kid took pity on me and we became friends, we still are to this day.

By the time that the first day of Sixth form arrived, (I had decided to go to one separate from my current high school. Although an odd choice as it meant lots of change it was deliberately away from the girl that I had been in love with) I had a new way of dealing with feeling socially awkward and that was to drink.

After that it seems the only way I make friends is by pure accident. 

Is the D/s world any different for me?

No, not really. I am still quiet and shy. My social skills are lacking. Along with PurpleSole being pretty much the same we find it hard to put ourselves in situations that would enable us to make like minded D/s friends. Earlier this year we attended Eroticon and had an amazing time. But we didn’t force ourselves enough to talk to people. We could have gotten so much more out of it but didn’t. I guess we sort of knew that would happen, I think we needed a couple of practice Eroticons’ before the real thing.

As of yet we haven’t told anyone in the vanilla world about our D/s, blog or anything. It’s not that we are really trying to hide anything, I do let bits slip occasionally. They just aren’t interested. My vanilla friends are firmly that, vanilla.  

Online friends

What has been amazing for us is the SafeworD/s Club. The regular chats have let us build up friendships with people on the site. I am not a huge fan of change so it’s nice that there are regulars on there that we now know, but with new people pretty much every chat session. This has enabled me to build up confidence in chatting with people online, something I find slightly easier than doing in person. 

I am very thankful to missy and HisLordship as their friendships mean a lot to me. Not just because they run the SafeworD/s Club but for everything else they have done for us as well. I don’t want to sound too gushy but they are genuinely lovely people and they deserve the mention. Truthfully our D/s would not be the way it is now without them.

Future Friends   

Something that I would like to do is attend more real life events to meet like minded people. I think it is really valuable to be able to talk and share with people. To be able to have more friends like us would be great.  

I have written before about having an interest in playing with others. Although it is ultimately up to PS if he wanted our lifestyle to go in that direction and far from where we are now. But the main barrier we will face is us! Being shy and not confident means that we are yet to attend any real life munches or anything kink related. Even if we were to pluck up the courage to go to one it is highly unlikely the right couple/ people etc, will wander up to the shy couple in the corner talking quietly to one another. 

Slowly I hope that we will push ourselves. Everyone we have spoken to so far has been lovely so perhaps eventually I will develop some people skills.      


15 Replies to “Friends and D/s: You Can’t Just Give Up. Is That What A Dinosaur Would Do?

  1. Aww gem thank you so much for such lovely comments about us and for the shout out to the club too. We value your friendship too. I also think that you underestimate how much people warm to you both in social situations. I can see that online is easier but you seemed to have such fun at eroticon that I don’t think others would realise how hard you found it. I think it will get better each time though so lets hope you keep going along to practise 🙂

  2. You should definitely go to a munch! If it’s anything like our scene, a lot of the same people attend the munches and events each month, so when new people show up everyone wants to meet them. I’m sure you will meet some nice people!

    We will be at Eroticon next year and we are very much looking forward to meeting you and everyone else. I’ve gotten pretty good at being social this past year by going to various kink events so if you need a wingman, I’m your girl!

    1. I’m very jealous of your social skills, I really wish I could just do it. Your post on friends was amazing, I would love to have D/s friends round like you do! Are you really, that’s so exciting! Very far to travel for you aswell. Well I look forward to meeting you, you might have to look for the quiet short couple in the corner lol.

  3. Goodness me – I assumed because you were a couple with an interesting and popular blog you would be really well connected – because I see sex workers I can’t share with anyone in the vanilla world and I’ve always been rubbish at making friends (though professional relationships seem to be easy!) – getting to know folk in the virtual blogging sphere has been so good but can’t figure out how I can ever go to Erioticon 🙁 – thanks for this – it’s good to know I’m not alone

    1. Well I am glad that we don’t come across to socially awkward although in person I always worry I seem rude rather than nervous etc.

      That must be hard not being about to share with anyone but blogging is certainly good!

  4. You are not alone in this. I am also very introverted and have a very small friend group and clam up socially. Hubs and I want to get out more too but it is a challenge as we are both introverted and anxious. I have never attended any kink events and probably won’t any time soon because I don’t know a single kinky person in my day to day. I even far out-kink my husband. It is isolating. But making achievable goals that delicately pull you out of your comfort zone is a good approach. Always respect your instincts, stay true to yourself, and continuously push yourself… always from a place of love.

    Change literally gives me acid reflux, chest pains and muscle spasms… and crying fits. Yeah… I feel ya on the change front. But it is the only constant… annoyingly.

    1. I’m sorry that change affects you that way. It is difficult when it’s inevitable really like you say. I think blogging for now is as pushed as we are going to be but I am happy with that. Everyone is so lovely.

      1. Thanks! I am always like that at the beginning of a change but at least I adapt fairly quickly. And I couldn’t agree more. The community here is beautiful. ???

  5. Next year at Eroticon I will make a point to come and talk to you and PS. I have to say, it is thanks to Eroticon that I am not as shy anymore as I once was, but I still have my moments 😉

    Rebel xox

    1. Aww thank you, that would be great! I think giving yourself a push does help sometimes and things start becoming more comfortable.

  6. I keep telling Missy we need to book a SWC villa on the Mediterranean someday soon so we can all become better friends! For what it’s worth, We consider you and PS as online friends that we’d love to get to know better! We think you’re awesome. ?

    1. Aww thank you QH, same for you and HQ. That would be amazing but sounds pricey lol! When one of us wins the lottery it shall be arranged!

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