There’s Always a But

The Littlegem Fan Club: There's Always a But: Littlegem's butt

Living a D/s lifestyle is bound to have ups and downs, just like any other kind of relationship. The ups are fantastic, they make me feel strength in the closeness of our bond. But, there is always going to be a bumps in the road. Some we know are coming, others can take us by surprise. The only predictable part of all this is that life itself is unpredictable. 

Before our attitude would be that of “we’ll get past this, then get back on track.” Our regular review chat on Sunday always seems to be us discussing the events that didn’t allow us to be dominant or submissive in the way we wanted.

Had it not been for your period/ illness/ almost crashing the car, we would have had a good week.

The last fortnight has differed from most. I am on holiday for 2 weeks from work. The routine has shifted and it would be easy to assume that the dynamic is aided by me being at home all the time. It would allow me to take control of family matters and be the lead, going on days out and the like. 

But unfortunately it hasn’t worked out that way, one child has had chicken pox, effectively grounding us to our home. Birthday parties and other social events have been cancelled. The other child had a bad fall and we had to rush her to A&E. Luckily both are fine and recovering. We almost cancelled our short trip away because of our concerns. It’s probably best we didn’t as we would have gone stir crazy stuck in our house for 2 weeks. 

Keeping Control

Our latest review chat centred on control, or rather the lack of it. Littlegem will take control when I don’t so it needs to be kept on top of. It’s easy in that moment of time to say yes I’ll do that. But when the time comes it’s not that simple. There are other considerations. The night we came back from the hospital littlegem came down and flopped on the sofa, exhausted. Mentally drained from the high alert mode she had been in. She hadn’t knelt, as per the rules before being allowed on the sofa. 

I am conflicted with 2 thoughts:

  1. Listen to my brain, there are lots of things more important than D/s, give her a cuddle and forget about the rules this time. 
  1. Listen to what she tells me, despite it not being an ideal situation tell her to get on the floor and kneel. 

In this case I chose to make her kneel, politely and she wasn’t there long. Just enough to re-establish our roles. Her exhaustion showed as she lay with her head in my lap and fell asleep. 

This is one of the few instances when I have chosen that option. Littlegem has always said she will tell me if I push her too hard in this regard, but it’s never got to that. I simply can’t ignore what is going on around us and continue like its fine. In fact later that night I allowed her straight into bed without kneeling because she looked so shattered. 

But it will have to be that way, because there is always a but. There is always an event around the corner and issues to deal with. It seems like I have to push my own emotional boundaries to maintain control. It’s not about being mean, it’s about showing her that she doesn’t need to worry but I will guide her. I don’t want her to feel like I have forgotten what we are all about. Our dynamic relies on managing our expectations against the realities of life, and it’s so difficult to balance.

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19 Replies to “There’s Always a But

  1. Sorry to hear the kids haven’t been well and had a fall. Glad to hear they’re ok x I can imagine it must have been exhausting and putting your focus on your D/s dynamic on the back burner. Like anything though, we adapt and find a way to keep stuff going even under stressful circumstances. Take care of yourselves xx

  2. So sorry to hear you’ve been through the mill with kiddo stuff the past week, PS/lg … it is a tough to try and maintain your dynamic when life gets in the way. However, on the other hand, one of the things I’ve heard many times over the past couple of years, as being a mainstay of keeping a dynamic on track, is consistency … you were consistent, PS … and kind and caring … I’m sure it made a difference … nj … xx

  3. I admire how you handled this PS. Recognizing littlegem’s needs in trying times shows your strength as her Dom and husband. ❤️

  4. It definitely is difficult to juggle it all. When I read that you made Littlegem kneel before she got back on the sofa, I thought ‘yes, that’s how it should be, that’s how I would want it’, and then I read that you let her into the bed without kneeling, and then I remembered that my husband did things like these too when I was too tired/sad and how much I appreciated that he understood my feelings and how he cared for my well-being. Yes, it is difficult to juggle it all.

    Rebel xox

    1. We spoke about it afterwards and decided that both judgements were the correct ones. It’s about reading your partner and deciding what is best for them.

  5. I’m sorry to hear about the kids, and hope they’re doing better.

    It must be a difficult balancing act at times like this, but it sounds like you found a tender and particularly considered way of asserting your D/s dynamic in a way that wasn’t overbearing. It may have, in fact, served as a comfort for littlegem to have this piece of “normal life” while the out-of-the-ordinary was going on outside.

    I hope that you’re all doing okay ?

  6. I appreciate this. As part of our leadership as Dominants, we sometimes have to make judgment calls about what D/s protocols to reinforce and what to let drop away, depending on circumstances–and there’s not much of a social script to fall back on when we make those choices. We have to do our best, communicate, and try things.

  7. I am sorry to hear that your kids had to struggle with health issues. I hope things are better now and slowly returning to normalcy. I think consistency is extremely important in D/s connections because things can slide easy. A submissive without a consistent Dominant can feel lost, and might rebel because they don’t feel the strength they need to be provided for them. Life has its ups and downs though, and we can’t make life adapt to our relationships, but instead our relationships need to adapt and change. It is important to hold on to certain cornerstones though, like small rituals. I love how you are able to read lg’s needs so well!

    1. There are times when we hold on to the rituals when there is so much other stuff going on. Thank you for your support and kind words, we are regaining a normal again but it has taken time.

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