One More Light

One More Light, Candle in my hand

‘Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?

Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?

I consider myself very fortunate, not for a minute do I think otherwise. I don’t currently have any serious mental health issues. Yeah I’m quiet and awkward in social situations and you rarely see pictures of me. Apart from that currently I’m fine. I have a fantastic support system and a close relationship with littlegem. This doesn’t mean I don’t have lows or times when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I’m well aware that if I didn’t have this, if I didn’t have something simple as someone to talk to I could feel a lot different. To be able to talk means I can release my thoughts. For me it’s not just about being listened to, rather its about hearing the words come out of my mouth. 

‘We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep

There are things that we can have, but can’t keep’

If there’s anything I’ve learnt from joining a community like this it is that it doesn’t matter your circumstances whatever you feel is valid. Everyone has baggage and triggers. I would be complacent to believe that feelings will never get too much. Health, grief, trauma, there are so many things that can affect us, not knowing when, not knowing how it will change us. So to ignore those feelings and believe you’ll always be fine is a fallacy.

‘The reminders pull the floor from your feet

In the kitchen, one more chair than you need’

I’m a man and I have feelings. It’s a strange thing to have to say but rightfully or wrongfully men are seen as being unable or unwilling to show emotional vulnerability. Mental health can affect anyone regardless of identity. In the UK men represent three quarters of the roughly 6000 suicides each year. Mental health being one of the key factors. 

‘And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair

Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there’

It can be easy to think that you are bullet-proof. Keeping those thoughts inside until they go away. For many a masculine role is one of ‘the protector’, to be the supportive anchor that steadies the ship. Being a Dominant in a D/s relationship could entrench those thoughts. However our communication has increased since starting our dynamic which has been positive for both of us. Previously I have felt it better to stay quiet than to speak freely. 

But here’s the thing: Your Feelings Matter. They matter to you, they matter to those around you. If you need help don’t be afraid to reach out. It could someone close, it could be a stranger. 

‘Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars

It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone’s time runs out?

If a moment is all we are

We’re quicker, quicker

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well I do’

Lyrics are from ‘One More Light’ Linkin Park, sung by Chester Bennington who lost his battle 20th July 2017.

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16 Replies to “One More Light

  1. Thank you for linking this to SB4MH.

    Probably for the reasons you highlight in the post there are few posts from men where mental health is concerned. Personally I would like to see discussion and more openness encouraged and the removal of stigma in doing so.

    melody x

  2. Thank you so much for this post PS. I’m literally in tears reading this. I was fortunate to meet Chester Bennington at my first LP concert in Utah in 2001. He was such a caring and sweet man. He had his demons and hid them as best as he could. So many men are brought up to hide their emotions, feelings make them weak. They are told to “toughen up” if they cry. So they turn to drugs or alcohol to hide behind, to numb those feelings, and when those vices stop working and the demons are too much to bear they choose to end it all.

    One more light was released May 19th, 2017. Two months before his passing. Twitter has a movement in his memory. I say this to keep the light moving. We are never alone. #MakeChesterProud

  3. As someone who has three men in her life who have in the past or continue presently to struggle with mental health issues, I thank you, PS, for delivering this important message in your always thoughtful and open minded way … nj … xx

  4. Thank you for sharing this with us PS. It’s vulnerable and brave. My hat goes off to you. x

  5. Beautiful, special post. I think more men should speak out about their mental health, and reach out to others when they need help. There’s no shame in that. Thank you for sharing your views and thoughts on this, and sharing this post.

    Rebel xox

  6. You are very right that there is a stigma around male vulnerability. It’s a sad thing. And a destructive thing that leads some men to hurt themselves and others because they have no acceptable release. The more we talk about it the better.

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