Trigger warning- this post discusses self harm and knife play which may be distressing for some people.
In the beginning
When we started out in our D/s dynamic knife play was on my hard limit list. Not for the most obvious reasons, I knew I would enjoy it. Just the idea of a knife touching my skin has me wet. But because of my history with self harm I thought it would be bad for me to enjoy this kind of play. That it might lure me back to old habits of cutting. I was wrong.
It took me a long time to try and want to understand why I self harmed. I had locked all those feelings up and thought that just trying not to think about it would make it eventually go away. That was not the case, the opposite really. My desire to cut became absorbing but I still had no grasp on why. Eventually after a wonderful patient person with a very understand mind helped me, I realised I should not be ashamed of myself and my desires. That it was okay to have these feelings and want to explore it again safely.
So I plucked up the courage to discuss knife play with PurpleSole. To open up more than I had ever before with him around this topic and his reaction surprised me. He was keen to take our knife play (and edge play in general) further and wanted to be a part of this kink with me. At this point we had only ever used a knife for sensation play, a slight scratch on my skin.
What I find kinky
For me knife play gives me a loss of control. With PS holding the blade I am rendered weak, my desire for him to hurt me brings me pleasure. At the current time the only scene we have used knife play in is our interrogation roleplay where PS, or should I say Vincent, cut off my tights and ran the blade down my skin. Both of these acts I find incredibly hot and the scene in general pushed a lot of kink buttons for me. I was rendered completely undone and at PS’s mercy. Since then PS has used a knife on me more as an experiment than play. He wanted to gain an understanding of what it is I liked about it and how far he could take it before it would tip over into too much pain.
As well as the sensation and potential of pain, knives for me look aesthetically pleasing. The shiny blade that glints in the light as it is twisted from side to side, and the handle can be so incredibly decorated. We haven’t yet got a purpose bought knife for play, PS is still waiting for me to pick one out which I like. The problem is finding a pretty one that isn’t incredibly expensive. They also give a sexy look of power to whoever is wielding them. Obviously in a safe and consensual environment I mean. Not knowing what will happen and being under PS’s control with a blade really is a turn on.
Future of knife play
I would like for our interests in this kink to grow and be taken further. At a pace which is agreeable to us both. This is one of the areas PS does find a bit more difficult, trying to shed the social niceties that are ingrained. Edge play and all its elements I do find appealing, the sense of fear, loss of control and pain being big kinks for me.
Want to read more about kinks, check out Kink of the Week.