Erotic humiliation is a kink of mine, if it is done correctly. That is a big if as I think it is something that can be done wrong so easily. Especially if you are not completely open with your partner about what would work or not work for you. It is really hard to explain how that twisty feeling inside at being humiliated just really pushes my buttons.
There are many different ways that erotic humiliation may be achieved, but it is a very personal thing. What may work for one sub won’t necessarily for another. When doing a bit of research, I came across this website that has a list of different ways to humiliate a willing partner.
A lot of our play contains erotic humiliation and did so before we really understood what it was. I guess it doesn’t really matter what label you put on things as long as you are having fun with it. For us erotic humiliation and being controlled go hand in hand as both really turn me on so our play again tends to go in this direction.
Erotic humiliation can be split into two different categories, verbal and physical.
Verbal erotic humiliation
This is where language is used to create the feeling of humiliation. A good one that PS has used in the past is calling me a slut or just simply pointing out the things that turn me on. For me it creates a feeling of where I want to recoil back into myself, i’m embarrassed that he thinks of me like this or is aware of my kinks. But my body responds positively as it is an erotic tick for me.
Verbal humiliation has been used not just in play, but in everyday life too. As it’s a simple trigger to use, only requiring PS voice. A quick whispered of something that he knows would make me squirm, in the supermarket say. Has a great effect. A direction we have not gone in is using it in public where others would hear. At the moment I think this would be too much and would have the opposite effect on me.
Physical erotic humiliation
This is where the action takes place which is humiliating. A great example of this is our inspections. PS uses it to look at my body in great detail commenting on any missed hairs or marks. This makes me feel degraded and as if i’m an object. That I have not satisfied him with how my body looks. Pulling apart my vagina lips, a look of deep concentration on his face. In my mind imagining what I must look like makes me feel embarrassed. Again, all this aids in my sexual awakening.
Combining the two
Most of the time verbal and physical humiliation are used together for a much greater effect. For me it usually isn’t just an act that would push my humiliation buttons, the words help it along the way, force me to face up to my humiliation. An example of this would be to wear a butt plug out in public. This act alone does not embarrass me, I will use logic and reason with myself to know that no one can see it. Although I would be able to feel it for a little while, I would soon forget as my mind gets easily occupied by a lot of stuff.
But if you add in being messaged about said butt plug, reminding me about the large foreign object in my body. Even taunted enough to start to make me question if people would notice, even want to see it. That then tips over into erotic humiliation for me. Again, everyone is different so I am not suggesting this would work for anyone else. It is a very personal experience and has to be tailored well to anyone that wishes to participate.
This is not something I was really aware of before encountering it and it can be a pretty horrible experience. With erotic humiliation (or any BDSM play really) you can stumble across negative triggers that would remind you of a bad experience, something that creates a negative emotions and feelings within you.
When using erotic humiliation it is best practice to either know the person really really well or discuss what should be avoided. Or both. The aim is to have fun and create erotic feelings, not traumatise someone. I think it isn’t just the Top/ Dom’s responsibility for this, it is the person being humiliated as well. If you don’t want to have something particular used then you really should say, they aren’t a mind reader. Obviously things can be triggered that the sub/bottom wasn’t aware would be a trigger, but again open conversation on both parties is essential and after care.
For me being nudged slightly out of my comfort zone (in the right way) creates a feeling of erotic humiliation. Be it posting photos on our site that make me cringe a bit, writing down the explicit things that I enjoy. Or PS suggesting new play that he knows I would like to try but would never suggest myself. All these things force me into having to accept my weird kinky ways and this acknowledgement by others and PS of myself does create a feeling of erotic humiliation.
I have written quite a lot of posts that have included erotic humiliation for me, a short list of some of my favourites are: