Masculinity: What It Means To Be A Guy

Masculinity: PurpleSole stands over littlegem at the beach

I’ve not always felt masculine. This isn’t to say I felt I was someone or something else, just not masculine. I’m used to that feeling. I am who I am and I have accepted that.

There are three people in my everyday life that make me feel masculine. My wife (littlegem) and my two daughters.

I became a father at 26, a fairly normal age. The first baby in my family since me. Also the first within our friend group. I say that because multiple times I’ve been told:

“I can’t imagine you as a dad”.

It may just be me, over-analysing what they really mean. My first feeling is ‘what the fuck do you mean by that?’

Yes I look young for my age, I don’t complain about that because and let’s all say this together.

“You’ll appreciate it when you’re older.”

When littlegem and I bought our house together we would get people coming to the door selling things.

“Are your parents at home?”


So it’s not all bad. I just don’t always feel a strong sense of masculinity.

Redefining my Own Masculinity

I’m not tall or strong so don’t fit the typical tropes of attractive masculine features. Neither am I a more progressive view of masculinity, at 9 1/2 stone I don’t yet have the ‘dad bod’.

When I said earlier that there were three people in my life that make me feel masculine it may be because they give me purpose. They look up to me to look after them, to care for them when they are sad. The times when I don’t feel myself are when I feel useless, pathetic. To feel loved and appreciated gives me purpose.

I can forgot this from time to time. Get lost in my own feelings, that I’m not good enough, that I don’t meet expectations. As a guy I can feel there are assumptions about my own ability. For example I’m terrible at DIY, if anyone is going to fix something in the house it will be littlegem because she likes fixing things.

There are also assumptions about the person I’ve chosen to be with. That marriage has tied me down and that I am not a he, but a we. I like being a we, a team. It can almost be a shock to others when I express my desire to spend time with my family, as much as reasonably possible whilst working full time.

A Guy is a Guy?

Men can feel vulnerable and it’s not always easy to show your weaknesses or to be able to articulate your feelings in the manor they were intended.

Men are all different, so I can only speak for myself rather than others. Love, emotions and intimacy are so often neglected. So I don’t like being told that men are all the same, that we’re only after one thing.

Says a man writing a sex blog, so what do I know?

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25 Replies to “Masculinity: What It Means To Be A Guy

  1. Great post ?

    There is a world of study on the subject of masculinity in the modern world. I did a semester on it at university. The idea is that men have no idea how to be men because there are no set guidelines anymore. It used to be easier. Men had well defined roles within society and now they don’t which makes it harder for them to define themselves…. at least that’s what they are studying ?

  2. I enjoyed reading this PS. I think you are right that you define yourself. You clearly feel most comfortable with those who look up to you and make you feel like you so that is surely the significant thing. Good post ?

  3. Wonderful. You sound like the definition of a true masculine… as opposed to the toxic kind that permeates our culture. Masculinity has little to do with looks and more to do with taking the lead, taking care, taking action, protecting, etc…. You got it. That photo is stunning, btw. Great read. I really enjoy your and littlegem’s D/s journey. It is inspiring.

    1. Thank you for saying that, I really appriciate it. I’m glad you enjoy reading about our journey too, sometimes I think littlegem has the more interesting things to say.

  4. I think that’s one of the good things about this day and age, people are better able to define themselves in a myriad of ways. I’m glad that you are able to define your masculinity in your own. Being a man doesn’t need to include stereotypical masculine traits like being handy or large and strong.

  5. I always find it fascinating that people make assumptions about you based on age, gender etc. They also decide how you should behave and assume you do things they way they would. Luckily it is up to you define who you want to be and how you live your life. Great post xx

  6. Bravo! I am so glad you’ve said it: So I don’t like being told that men are all the same, that we’re only after one thing.

    Men are definitely not all the same. I remember meeting you at Eroticon and yes, you do look young for your age, but that definitely isn’t a bad thing. People are forever telling me I look younger than I am, and I can tell you at my age, that’s really a nice thing to hear 😉

    What is the most important of all is that you have accepted yourself as you are. So what if you’re not good at DIY (my husband isn’t either), and so what if people can’t imagine you as a dad. I am sure you are a wonderful husband and a wonderful dad and your three women definitely are the lucky ones to have you as their protector.

    Thank you for sharing this 🙂

    Rebel xox

    1. Thank you so much. I really wasn’t sure when I wrote this and I wouldn’t have posted it is littlegem hadnt encouraged me to. So getting positive feedback has been nice.

  7. Great post PS – I am so with you guys who shout out “we are all different” – difference is a strength – to be the same would be to lose our individuality

  8. I love that you wrote this, and I agree completely — it sucks that all men get lumped together, and you’re definitely not all the same. Not many men would be this open and vulnerable, though, and I appreciate that you are. Maybe it’ll remind someone that guys come in all shapes and forms, just like everyone else.

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