Sometimes our play doesn’t go how we expect it to. Life, children and illness can all be a block. The biggest barriers we face is ourselves.
To celebrate our anniversary last week, we had some time to ourselves over the weekend. Our children went to stay at their grandparents house from Saturday midday and we weren’t to pick them up until Sunday afternoon. A whole (just over) 24 hours for us to do whatever we want.
PurpleSole had planned out what he wanted us to do for most the weekend which I was really excited about. I enjoy PS taking control like this and deciding events, he is really good at thinking of everything and plus I like surprises.
PS wrote a bit about how we went to the beach with some rope and he tied me up in various ways. It was such a relaxing experience even with the added adrenaline rush of being discovered a couple of times. The weather was perfect, warm but not unbearable. We had a lovely time walking across the dunes and beach, taking photos at opportunistic moments.
The weather had turned so the plans PS had wouldn’t have been as nice in the cold rain. We had a relaxing morning instead and at breakfast talk went towards what we should do for our remaining free time. Usually on Saturday evening we would have our inspection night. But as we were out until late we hadn’t time for it. So, we decided that we would have an inspection, but this time it would be filmed.
As part of pushing my boundaries PS has used the camera a few times to video my reactions during play. The idea of it makes me squirm, knowing that i’m going to have to watch what I look like. But it also turns me on. I have written before how I enjoy masturbating in front of a mirror. It is difficult to explain as I know it must look like I really get off on watching me. Which is correct, but not because I find myself attractive. It’s a mix of seeing graphic things (i’m a very visual person) and the embarrassment of seeing me, remembering what it felt like.
Filming Our Inspection
This is not something PS has filmed before but I was curious enough to know what it looked liked from an outside perspective. We prepared for the inspection but with some added parts. I put on some makeup, knowing I wouldn’t be comfortable being filmed if I didn’t feel sexy. PS prepared the room and practised some camera angles.
It felt really weird stepping foot into our living room. Although the room was predominantly the same, knowing what was going to happen next made it different. Previously being filmed has been either during a scene and PS gets the camera out if he feels like it or when we were away. This was different. It felt too staged. Which is one reason it didn’t work.
A couple of different parts were filmed before I decided to stop. It was making the inspection disjointed and it didn’t feel right. PS wasn’t in the right frame of mind either.
With the inspection comes many different positions at various heights. This does not work well with a camera on a tripod. PS kept having to stop to move the camera and for me it didn’t feel fun anymore. When we have filmed previously it wasn’t the point of the play, it was just an added extra. That way it was sort of ignored and in the background. I am not an actress, I want to just be able to act naturally and the point of our play is to have fun.
What also kills the mood is me pointing this out, insisting on PS just leaving the camera alone and act normally. Not really what PS needs to hear but I have a tendency to be controlling if I feel it slipping. I know with pushing my barriers PS is also pushing his own. It is him in front of the camera as well. In these kinds of situations I know it is difficult for PS to ignore his own barriers and I do really appreciate what he does for me. To push me, giving me what I desire.
The filming stopped along with the inspection and we had a bit of a chat. Talking about these things helps to see where we can do things differently next time.
Not All Lost
Perhaps it is because I have been denied an orgasm for a while now, but I decided ‘selflessly’ to cheer PS up. To try and improve our moods I asked PS if I could put on a show for him instead. If you know me by now I’m sure you know what the theme of the show was going to be. Yes, putting things in my butt. PS perked up on hearing this and immediately sought out his kinky case containing some toys and lube.
I laid down on the blanket in front of him, legs wide apart. PS had picked out some anal toys for me to use, including the wavy bumpy dildo and the glass pillar. The toys were then lined up nicely in size order for me to use. It felt much more spontaneous this way. Even though what I was doing was much more intimate than the initial inspection. It felt better for me to be performing for PS, pleasing him with my actions.
Our mindsets had changed. The camera still came out and a lot of the play was filmed. We just felt differently about it. My inhibitions had been broken down along with our barriers as the setting was more casual. It feels freeing to pleasure myself in this way in front of PS. Seeing his obvious enjoyment turns me on further.
I had fun getting off (but not coming) for PS, check out Masturbation Monday to read some more naughty tales.