I’m practising some rope bondage binds, it’s a quiet evening so the play isn’t too intense. I’m trying out new things and I have a tendency to beat myself up when I can’t do what I set out to do. Tying up littlegem’s leg I have lots of rope left and turn to bind the other leg.
“Look daddy, I have a rope moustache.”
She giggles, then giggles some more because she’s being so silly. Taking the loose ends she then starts swirling them around like a lasso.
Aside from stepping back so not to get hit, I feel more comfortable in her laughter. What can become frustrating turns into a fun experience, it no longer matters if I don’t get the knots right and it can’t bind her the way I want.
“Have you finished? I need to do the other leg?”
There is no warning usually. It just happens. A smirk, a giggle. Littlegem taps into her ruby side. There are times I know it’s more likely to come out. Playfulness when she’s feeling bored. Vulnerability when she’s feeling scared. The dynamic shifts slightly, usually by letting go of some of the control.
Ruby, littlegem’s little persona, as well as puppy have commonalities. They are silly and want to play but crucially they get away with pushing the boundaries. Part of this comes from me having a caregiver role to these persona’s. If ruby wants to play on the floor with some stickers then so be it.
The joy she brings rubs off onto me, emotions can connect when the two of us spend so much time together. We laugh together, we are sad together.
“My tummy hurts daddy.”
This last week gem had her period. There is usually 24 hours where she is in pain and there is not a lot I can do. She’s hungry, but doesn’t want to eat. She is sad and there is nothing that will improve that. She won’t want my help if I ask. I therefore need to take control, which is tricky in that situation. To know how to make it better, ignoring what she is telling me.
Don’t ask her if she wants a ‘hot bear’, just do it and give it to her.
A hot bear is a cuddly toy that can be microwaved and placed on her tummy to ease her pain slightly.
If she’s not hungry cook something for myself and allow her to pick at it. Because food is much tastier when it isn’t yours..
Believing in Myself
Self believe is not my strong point, I say there things because we have had a conversation afterwards. Even though I hear her words it can be tricky to action. She feels sad, I feel sad because of that.
It can be easy to think that taking the control during this time could make it worse. I think about what could happen, gem getting angry, crying because I’m being a heartless bastard. She will read this and think ‘why would you think that?.” I can’t help it, I don’t always have the faith to settle a set of circumstances that I can’t control.
But I am getting better, trusting myself to turn a bad situation around, just like the rope work. Listening to what she needs of me. Frustration can consume me and littlegem has taken the time in more than one occasion to say to me, “it’s fine, don’t worry”. She steps up for me when I need that motivation, to not quit. It’s only right that I do the same for her.
With that in mind we were able to spend a day at the beach. Taking The rope with us, using some of the techniques I learnt. The period didn’t matter, even if she was a bit achy. Wearing her cup has made her confident during her period to have nude photos taken still as well. We had a brilliant time and that is all that we could ask for.
I used theduchy.com for help with my rope skills, I have found it a very useful site.