In my post on our recent speculum play I wrote near the end how PurpleSole said I would be denied orgasms for a month. That was if he allowed me one whilst we were playing. I accepted and knew full well he was being serious.
A week of denied orgasms
It has just been over a week of denied orgasms. I will define the term, as there are slightly different elements of orgasm denial and control. For us a denied orgasm isn’t the same as no sexual stimulation or fun at all. That would be easy. Well it would for me, over time if I have no sexual stimulation or no want for sexual contact then the area will just go numb for me. Not literally. Just I wouldn’t think about it, so I wouldn’t want it.
How PurpleSole uses denied orgasms on me is that we will still play, do scenes and have sex. I’m just not allowed to come. No matter how much I beg for it. He will get me to the point where I desperately want to tip over and then he will stop. Repeated several time during a session. We have done this for around a week previously as a punishment and I found that I quite enjoyed it.
I think it is interesting the effects denied orgasms has on my body and mind. The first few days we didn’t play so nothing had really changed for me. I’m not sure if after a few more days without play but with verbal reminders I would have started to see a shift. But the point where it started to become more noticeable was during play. My body started to respond a lot quicker. I became wet pretty instantly, emphasised by PS pointing it out. Over the week this has become stronger. The more I am actively denied, the more needy I am becoming.
Our last sex session ended with me having a sort of tantrum, drumming my legs on the bed and pouting. I so desperately wanted to come that I was pleading with PS to just touch me a bit more. It was quite embarrassing, I just couldn’t help myself. It felt like it had become a need. My body felt like it was involuntary thrusting my hips to him, just needing more. PS was stern and after a few light touches told me to go to sleep. Which I did, still pouting.
Sex is definitely on my mind more and is worsened by an ache in my clit that accompanies it. In the morning I tend to wake up wet as well, which PS sometimes takes advantage of. I have not started to have sex dreams yet but that may happen in time. They have been fairly potent for me in the past where I have woken up on the brink of orgasm.
I think denied orgasms has made me feel more submissive. Active submission was never my strong suit but as my sexual desire is on my mind more it has reminded me. Prompting me to suck particular parts of PS actively, wanting to please him more. I’m not sure if I have started following orders faster with less push back, probably not. Maybe as time goes on PS control over me with denied orgasms will cause this to change.
Enjoy being denied?
I wrote that we used denied orgasms as a punishment previously and although it worked to a certain extent, I did enjoy it. I don’t know if enjoy is the right word. What I mean is I love PS having this control over me. It turns me on knowing that he is controlling me. Especially as he is asserting his power over something that I felt I had the full control of before our D/s. I wrote about this particular point in my post Masturbation Discussed.
In the moment when I am left a quaking mess for a release, of course I want to fucking come. I want it more than anything in the world at that point. But, if PS was to give in to my begging I would be sad. Disappointed that he set a month almost as a challenge and hadn’t gone through with it, but also that he would have given in to me. It must be difficult from PS perspective for that reason, I don’t underestimate the hard job he has of being my Dom.
We use chastity pretty much every night. It has formed part of our evening ritual and works well with denial. The belt is a physical barrier so I can’t be touched, or touch myself. We have written before about how this works for us in Below The Belt. As well as physical, the chastity belt does provide a mental stimulation. I know it is in place which has a knock on effect on my body.
The chastity belt is not something I am in all day. At the moment this is not practical for me and the belt we have is fairly basic. This means I could break the rules and make myself orgasm during the day, but why would I. Ultimately I am gaining from being denied and I don’t think I could be drawn enough to break that.
It’s still early
I still have three weeks of being denied orgasms to go. So my thoughts on the matter may change as the time progresses. I will try to do another reflective piece on how I am getting on but sometimes I can get distracted by writing other things.
Let’s hope the experience stays a positive one for us. We have added it as a topic to our Sunday night dinner chat. This is where we reflect on our dynamic and what’s worked or otherwise during the week. If anything was becoming an issue it would be picked up on fast and rectified. PS did wonder this week if lack of orgasm wasn’t helping my stress levels. But we think that is more down to the tiny humans we made. A good play session before bed being a good prescription.