All the self playing was incredibly fun, but it also had drawbacks. When I did become sexually active with other people. Yes it was fun, but it could never match the pleasure and orgasm I could induce in myself. It confused matters a bit more as my first sexual encounters were with boys. There was a part of my teens that I assumed I was a lesbian partly because I just wasn’t getting the same pleasure. It wasn’t that others couldn’t bring me to orgasm, it was more that it would take so long. Not in a lovely build up kind of way, more that it just took ages for it to actually feel good. It just wasn’t the same as the orgasms I could achieve myself in a fraction of the time. It wasn’t for the lack of effort, trying or skill either on the males part.
Things did get a bit easier with time and don’t get me wrong, my orgasms before D/s were still amazing and plentiful. Things did change though. Early on in D/s PurpleSole decided that he wanted to take control of my orgasms, making them his to take. To start off with he did this by giving me a countdown before I could orgasm. This initially had a negative affect. I would be so close to an orgasm, toe curlingly close, but as soon as the countdown started it was like a switch had been flicked. Resetting everything back to zero on the orgasm scale. It was like this for a while, the countdown would finish but it would be a while after before I could. We persevered through and i’m glad we did.
It was a struggle with giving up control, for me. Over the years I had been the one in control of my orgasms and had convinced myself that no one could match my efforts on myself. To achieve an orgasm I have to be there in my mind, when in our D/s I had realised that involved letting go of the control.
So step one of PS taking control had been mastered. Usually I am begging for him to count faster, i’m worried I will beat him to the end of the countdown. This has never happened though, my body keeps me on the tip right up until I hear the word “one”. The next step PS decided was that I could masturbate when I wanted but not orgasm without his consent. Spoiler alert, he never gives me the consent. This rule has been broken a few times and I was punished efficiently for my crimes. For me this works really well, it is the control and power exchange that gets me hot, and in the end I am left ready and wanting PS in the evening when it’s play time.
This also goes hand in hand with orgasm denial and chastity which was PS’s next step for me. I am not denied for too longer time, a week has been my longest, but it is enough to have a positive affect on me.
Currently chastity isn’t something I am in all the time, it just isn’t feasible at this point in time for us. It is something we do in the evenings or short periods of time at the weekend. PS will lock me up after playing with me (before I get a release) and leave me that way until he wants to let me out. The effect of both chastity and orgasm denial are that when I am finally allowed an orgasm, they tend to be stronger and last quite a while. Well worth the wait.