During one of our more recent discussions, littlegem highlighted a need to have greater control imposed upon her. For me to manage her day to day while I go to work. I have felt guilty as she had to come to me, rather than me taking that control from her. During weekdays is when our D/s is at its weakest, but that’s understandable as we aren’t together. I should have seen it as we are getting into bad habits again, mainly comfort eating and drinking in the evening.
I’ve been feeling things get on top of me for a while, since before Christmas really, I wrote about it here. We have made minor adjustments but it hasn’t been enough. PurpleSole managing my goals was suggested to us (thanks Sweetgirl) and although I asked for it at the time, I don’t think we really discussed it in full. Just one of those things that I marked in my brain as ‘talk about in the new year.’ I have been getting headaches more, wanting to be sexual less and craving naughty food, my tells that things aren’t right, so gave myself a push to discuss him managing me further.
Here are few examples of what we discussed.
– I am to organise the cleaning schedule for the week.
Before gem had total control over this. I am the one that goes to work and would call her the house manager. That way we felt we had our own responsibilities. That was before D/s and a re-evaluation is overdue. One of the reasons for this is that gem has a tendency to do too much, over stretching herself. The consequences are tiredness and headaches, so it’s in both our interests for her to be in the right mood by the time it gets to the evening.
I wrote a list of all the house jobs that I get done in a week and asked PS to review it and see if it was feasible. I did add some others that I would like get get done more often as well.
– I am to make time to allow gem to write.
Gem wants to write more. She wants to do more posts and to finally get down that story that’s been in her head. By earmarking times during the week for her to do this she won’t feel so guilty writing over doing housework. There are also times she would rather sit down and needs me to encourage her to write. I enjoy reading her work too, I hear different words to when we talk face to face.
I get about two hours on four days during a week that I can do what I want. I used to write lots in this time but recently have fallen into bad habits of eating bad food and watching TV instead. This sounds like I have something against watching TV, I don’t, just for me writing is very relaxing and as it’s a more productive use of my time it makes me happy to utilise it. Sometimes I just get down, a push from PS by putting it in my schedule means I can write away guilt free.
– Gem is to provide oral service at least once a week
One of those things where you nod, say yes and pretend that you’re doing it just for her wellbeing. Service is to be provided and a clicker used (thanks blue)
This sounds a strange one to ask for, if I want to suck PS off why don’t I just do it or even ask to? It’s something I really enjoy doing, especially with the clicker involved, just sometimes I get too stuck in my own head. I need to be pushed, so having it in my schedule just gives me the extra nudge I need.
This means that I need to come up with a schedule that will suit both of our needs. The housework needs to be done, but managed so that it doesn’t become too much. On top of that I am to instruct her of additional tasks that need to be done.
Currently I monitor gem’s exercise, messaging her during my day at a certain time to keep tabs. The new routine will be similar and will be evaluated at the end of each week so that it may be tweaked. If gem doesn’t complete the tasks she isn’t to be punished, if anything it is my fault that the schedule doesn’t suit her needs. Besides there are external factors that may affect the outcome of the routine, mainly the two tiny humans that live with us. So we’ll have to see how it goes. As long as the goals are achievable.
I already feel happier now PS has talked this through with me and agreed to monitor a schedule. We have a shared drive that can be accessed on both our phones so I can easily mark off what I have achieved and PS can see it as well whilst at work. PS has also asked me to use a different colour each day to mark off achievements, so at the end of the week he can see what was done on each day. I have chosen to follow rainbow colours, I mean there is a handy 7 of them. As an added incentive and I guess to make it more fun PS has come up with a rewards system. Each item marked off the schedule earns a point and well everyone knows what points mean.
I am happy we have added a review at the end of the week as well, I think this will be really helpful to see if I am struggling in areas and if so PS know on which day as well. It will hopefully mean PS will pick up on it before it goes too far. Also, I guess in a way PS taking an interest in what I am doing when he is at work helps me feel appreciated. I’m sure there will be a few points to iron out at the start but I am optimistic that this will help me feel more balanced and overall mean a happier relationship for us and a stronger feeling of D/s for us both.