At the beginning of our D/s journey littlegem asked me to be her dominant as well as being a husband. I was naive to think that by saying she wished to be submissive that it was something that would be given to me. What she really meant was that she needs me to wrestle that control out of her tightly gripped hands.
I asked to be submissive, for PurpleSole to be my Dominant. You would think that meant it was something that came naturally to me, that our relationship had this underlying dynamic already. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I was always the one in control. I hate how I acted and how it must have made PS feel but it is what it is, can’t change the past. I wasn’t trying to me dominant or emasculate but I think that’s what my actions and words had the effect of. Even when PS would try to be in control of the situation, I would somehow still wrangle it from him. This had a negative affect on our relationship, PS gave up in the end and I ended up feeling that he didn’t care about the decision/ situation.
I get it though, it’s not easy to give up control when before she was in charge of her own choices. It took a while to understand that as much as she fights it, she needs me to push back. There has been many times when I have felt conflicted by this situation.
Do you really want this? Your actions don’t match the words you told me.
Plus why would she want to give control to me? I’m not a natural decision maker, so by becoming the dominant I am still having to step up into my new role. In many ways I wouldn’t trust in me, so why would she? I’ve read that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 90 days for a lifestyle. In my opinion the first 90 days were the hardest of our D/s. Gem would defy a lot of my commands and would consider herself a brattish sub. Since then there have been changes in her submission. The bratty nature is now more cheeky and fun. When we go to bed gem waits at the foot of the bed kneeling. Before there was an eagerness not to comply because the floor was cold and hard. Now she will do it without question, except if she’s in a ruby mood but that’s a different story.
I remember a time before D/s, we are planning to go somewhere nice so are dress shopping. Gem is trying on different dresses and I know she will want my opinion. I take my time, keeping my feelings to myself until she asks.
“Which one do you think, this one, or this one?”
I’ve paused for dramatic effect, then point to the dress in her right hand. “This one,” I say, “I prefer the colour and how it looks on you.” I’ve made a decision and given a proper rationale why.
“Oh…” she looks disappointed. “I prefer this one.”
I take a second to reply, “then have that one then.” Of course what I’m really thinking is “IF YOU KNOW WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU ASKING ME?”
I think things would be slightly different if this situation were to happen again. Although it’s not something that will or has happened right away, over time the choices I make will become the right ones because she trusts in my choice. maybe she’d prefer to wear the dress that I want her to be in.
Things are different now, it didn’t just happen overnight and is still and may always be a work in progress. Being submissive is helping me to let go of the silly things, to get less stressed about situations and ultimately putting PS first. I am submissive to PS so ultimately look to please him, in return I am looked after and cared for in ways I would not for myself. As I result I feel a lot happier and more secure about myself and I’m working on getting less stressed.
Written by PurpleSole and Littlegem
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