Submission Impossible

At the beginning of our D/s journey littlegem asked me to be her dominant as well as being a husband. I was naive to think that by saying she wished to be submissive that it was something that would be given to me. What she really meant was that she needs me to wrestle that control out of her tightly gripped hands.

I asked to be submissive, for PurpleSole to be my Dominant. You would think that meant it was something that came naturally to me, that our relationship had this underlying dynamic already. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I was always the one in control. I hate how I acted and how it must have made PS feel but it is what it is, can’t change the past. I wasn’t trying to me dominant or emasculate but I think that’s what my actions and words had the effect of. Even when PS would try to be in control of the situation, I would somehow still wrangle it from him. This had a negative affect on our relationship, PS gave up in the end and I ended up feeling that he didn’t care about the decision/ situation.

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I get it though, it’s not easy to give up control when before she was in charge of her own choices. It took a while to understand that as much as she fights it, she needs me to push back. There has been many times when I have felt conflicted by this situation.

Do you really want this? Your actions don’t match the words you told me.

Plus why would she want to give control to me? I’m not a natural decision maker, so by becoming the dominant I am still having to step up into my new role. In many ways I wouldn’t trust in me, so why would she? I’ve read that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 90 days for a lifestyle. In my opinion the first 90 days were the hardest of our D/s. Gem would defy a lot of my commands and would consider herself a brattish sub. Since then there have been changes in her submission. The bratty nature is now more cheeky and fun. When we go to bed gem waits at the foot of the bed kneeling. Before there was an eagerness not to comply because the floor was cold and hard. Now she will do it without question, except if she’s in a ruby mood but that’s a different story.

I remember a time before D/s, we are planning to go somewhere nice so are dress shopping. Gem is trying on different dresses and I know she will want my opinion. I take my time, keeping my feelings to myself until she asks.

“Which one do you think, this one, or this one?”

I’ve paused for dramatic effect, then point to the dress in her right hand. “This one,” I say, “I prefer the colour and how it looks on you.” I’ve made a decision and given a proper rationale why.

“Oh…” she looks disappointed. “I prefer this one.”

I take a second to reply, “then have that one then.” Of course what I’m really thinking is “IF YOU KNOW WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU ASKING ME?”

I think things would be slightly different if this situation were to happen again. Although it’s not something that will or has happened right away, over time the choices I make will become the right ones because she trusts in my choice. maybe she’d prefer to wear the dress that I want her to be in.

Things are different now, it didn’t just happen overnight and is still and may always be a work in progress. Being submissive is helping me to let go of the silly things, to get less stressed about situations and ultimately putting PS first. I am submissive to PS so ultimately look to please him, in return I am looked after and cared for in ways I would not for myself. As I result I feel a lot happier and more secure about myself and I’m working on getting less stressed.

Written by PurpleSole and Littlegem

Very excited to be taking part in the brand new D/s writing meme ‘Tell me about’ please check out the other entries by clicking below!

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February Photofest

 

21 Replies to “Submission Impossible

  1. I do love your dual perspective posts, and this one is excellent. It shows how D/s is an evolving thing that changes and grows as do we do.

  2. I agree with sweetgirl. This is a really great post as you can see how it unfolds from both sides. You make it clear that wanting something doesn’t mean it will be easy but are able to show that despite the fact it has taken work and effort, you both feel the reward is a much easier and more enjoyable life together. ?

    1. Yes we certainly thinks so. It’s a good prompt as submission is something I think we could write about again in a few months time and it would be different still.

      1. Yes. That is what I have found. My blog is basically all submission really apart from the odd story. Which is about submission lol

  3. PS ~ Just an FYI: I know you typically delineate your words from Gem’s by making them purple. Starting at Do you really want this? your words are not purple, just bolded black. It still makes sense, but editorially I thought you might like to know. 🙂

    1. Thanks, we’ve been having some trouble with people reading our join posts because the colour wasn’t showing on the reader. Will try and get it right so it’s clear.

  4. I love this photo and the perspective and angle. Your outfit is amazing as well. The way the two of you work together is really a nice thing to see and sends hope to those of us looking for the same!

  5. Yes, I love it when y’all write like this. It’s so nice to hear your different perspectives, but you’re also very much on the same page. You know that I also struggle with releasing control and it is good to hear about other points of view on the subject. It’s easy to give up some things, the ones I hand over to him willingly. But the others, well it’s a work in progress!?

  6. Inside the mind of PS! I can see similarities in our dynamic, then and now. Some things become easier, and other more challenging. Releasing control and taking control? Which is harder I don’t know, it’s all very personal.

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