Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

When the kids are settled in bed, it is time to shake off the daddy and mummy headspace and become Dom and sub. More often than not it is then time to play, or at least meant to be.

I am one for a routine, an order, so that we are both clear about what to expect in the evening. The routine is quite vague so that play itself is varied to keep littlegem on her toes. Because of children, work, illness, tiredness etc it is almost to be expected that the routine isn’t followed exactly, but we accept that. This last week however has been unusual. It is one of the first times in a while that we have done all the play that we planned to.

On Monday night we had impact play, I discussed before how it went so well that gem fell asleep almost instantly.

On Wednesday Ruby, gem’s little side came out. This could be playing with toys or watching cartoons. When it was time to go to bed she wanted a bedtime story and I gave her one. She has since asked a couple more times before we head to bed, falling asleep halfway through.


On Friday we roleplayed, this is the play that usually gets cancelled or rescheduled. After a full week it can sometimes be difficult to get in the mood to play pretend. It was a Headmaster/ schoolgirl scene. I was headmaster Dixon, in charge of a well to do all girls school. She was Gemma Little-Stone, a pupil known for being naughty in class. It’s all very cliché but there is a comfort in that, I know roughly what’s going to happen without planning in great detail. Plus gem and I get to dress up which is fun. A stern talking to, a spanking and a few other bits later we are both happy about how the play went.

During the weekend is inspection. Gem will be naked and I will look over every inch of her body. By looking at her with extra attention it is up to me to decide whether she has looked after herself enough to pass. She will feel deeply submissive during this time as it is done under strict protocols, no talking, no eye contact.

I look back at the last week and I realise that the play we do, while sexual in nature, doesn’t require any sex, not at its core anyway. Which is interesting as I have read of lot of posts from others saying about how D/s has increased the amount of sex and orgasms in their life. This week has been an example of how ours is the opposite.

Don’t get me wrong we still have sex, a life of celibacy is not for us (he says crowbaring the meme into his post). Gem and I have been together since we were 18 so I realise the privileged position I am in.

Before our D/s dynamic having sex was about penetration and orgasms. Because that’s what sex meant to us and there’s nothing wrong with that. Having sex is still important to our bond, especially when it comes to maintaining the positions in our dynamic. But knowing that pleasure can go well beyond that has been an exciting part of what we do. Being able to put gem into subspace during impact for example and be happy just to watch her within her bliss.

I can’t say it doesn’t have its effects though. All play and no orgasms makes PurpleSole crave more. There have been times in the past week when gem has fallen asleep (a running theme here) and I’m horny. I will lay there trying to switch off the thoughts in my brain.

‘Go to sleep, she isn’t going to wake up and touch it’.

Before you ask, no I’m not waking her, I think I’ve established how important her sleep is.

So as much as I say play is not just about sex, I still need it to be there. I need gem and she needs me. To feel closer emotionally as well as physically.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

12 Replies to “Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

  1. Thank you for sharing. I can understand your point of view here. In the beginning there was a lot of new passionate and kinky sex, a rediscovery if you will for MrH and I, and as we began to explore other things like impact, rope and wax play there has been a shift. It’s not often that MrH will follow these types of play with a sexual scene too (unless we are away) although it’s possible some of that is to do with time constraints and others in the house.

    It’s true that there are so many ways to enjoy each other. I know MrH has said he sometimes wakes up early very horny but doesn’t wake me up…. of course I often tell him PLEASE do!!!!

  2. I really enjoy your writing PS and I love reading about your relationship with gem. It sounds to me like there is a plenty of excitement and I always think that even without penetrative sexy, there is a sexual charge that runs along with the power exchange ?

  3. I’m finding myself, the wonderful ways of completion and release open to me in BDSM which have nothing to do with sexual touching as most people understand it to be. It’s quite amazing, really.

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