I have a terrible memory, well that’s not strictly true. I can remember dates, phone numbers and quite a lot of past memories. But there’s been plenty of times I’ve gone upstairs to get something, got distracted and as I’m coming back downstairs suddenly remember the one thing I went up for! If I don’t make a conscious effort to remember I’ll forget, really quickly.
Gem and I had a discussion about where we wanted our dynamic to go. In particular how I can improve myself for her. The biggest takeaway from this was that Gem wants to feel that I have everything covered. When we go away she’d like me to think of the travel, accommodation and entertainment, taking her by the wrist as I show her a good time. Remembering to pack all the items we need and knowing the schedule of events. This way she can relax into the person she wants to be, feeling small and submissive. I wouldn’t trust myself to have everything sorted, I would probably pack a load of sex toys, rope and lingerie, but forget the toothbrushes. I could write a list, but I’d have to make sure I remember it all when I write it in the first place.
Of course this is only for the times when it’s just us. Everyday life has the normal stresses that restrict us from going away so much. There is still a requirement to remember however. Our discussion also highlighted the need to follow through with the rules we’ve set out. For example, Gem has an exercise routine while I’m at work. It’s not too much, just a small set of exercises each day. It’s important for me to check she’s done it, if she hasn’t I’ll have to make her do it in front of me during our time in the evening.
It is important for me follow up with the rules we set, otherwise what’s the point of having the rules? Where I had gone wrong before was thinking that constantly checking up may make me come across as a paranoid partner, where the control was seen as a negative.
“Have you done your exercise?”
“Did you clean the kitchen?”
“Did the butt plug get put away?”
I know now that this isn’t the case. Gem will feel like I don’t care if I don’t check up on her or follow through with a punishment if I’ve told her she needs it. It may also undermine my authority if she does something she shouldn’t without being disciplined.
When it comes to punishing her I have to wait until the evening. Because of this I needed a way to remember. I could go high tech and use apps or set an alarm. Instead I put an elastic band on my wrist. That way when I get dressed before I go downstairs after putting the kids down I have an instant reminder, so long as I can remember what the reminder is for. Gem will be kneeling ready for me and punishment can be administered. A low tech solution for simple minds.