On Friday evening PurpleSole and I are going to stay at a hotel for the night. I am very excited, it’s the first time in years that we are going away just the two of us. It’s only to a cheap chain hotel but that doesn’t matter. I quite like that you know exactly what you will get, I’m not great with change or new things so it suits us well. Plus with what we will be doing, it would be a waste to go anywhere fancy.
The reason we are going away is an event we made up years ago, before we were even married. We call it Sex day. It’s our half anniversary so we decided as anniversaries are about celebrating love, romance etc. The half anniversary should be about purely raw sex. I think everyone should celebrate. We haven’t really since having the kids so it’s nice to get back to it.
I’m feeling my usual amount of mummy guilt. A mix of guilt because I’m excited to be away from the children for a night and guilt that I’m leaving our now 10 month old, again. I wasn’t apart from our two year old at all (apart from to give birth to the younger one) so I feel bad that they aren’t being treated equally. She also hasn’t been well last week and although she’s fine now I am extra cautious. Logically I know they won’t mind at all and they are staying with my parents who they see every week, they are in safe familiar hands. Also, the hotel we are staying at is about a 10 minute drive from where they are… I know I have issues with letting my children go. It doesn’t stop me feeling guilty all the same.
I’m also feeling a bit nervous. PS has sent me a message about his plans for our trip, this was part of what I received:
We leave for the hotel. I aim to be there and be checked in around 6pm. You will then be taken for dinner. When we are finished we will go back to prepare for the evening’s roleplay.
For the roleplay you will be a prostitute. You will be taken by car and I will leave you on the side of the road, this is when the scene begins. You will then be picked up by a client. You will be taken back to his hotel room and carry out the wishes of the client to his full satisfaction. This means you need to be dressed appropriately as a lady of the night (plus play collar). Once the client is finished the client will remove the play collar, signalling the out of play.
Oh, and I forgot to say, the client may wish to film the activities with his filthy escort.
I will pack the clothes/outfits for this.”
Now the part that makes me nervous is the last bit, PS packing for me. I usually have some what of a say in what I wear for role play, by some what, I really mean all. For a Roleplay to work I need to feel sexy and comfortable in what I am wearing, which is difficult for me as I have self-esteem issues. Near the beginning of our D/s PS chose my outfit for play and I just didn’t like how I looked, came downstairs for PS to see and because he didn’t react in the exact way I wanted in my head that was it. I think it ended in tears with me exclaiming I looked like a prostitute. Hey I guess that would kind of work this time… I know my reaction was ridiculous especially as PS had said how nice I looked, how was he ever going to summons up the exact wording I was looking for, it was unrealistic of me. Come to think of it, we still have that outfit and although I’ve not put it on since, I will as I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.
I want to be pushed with giving up my control so I am glad PS has decided to take this control from me. I know it must be difficult for him to have decided to do it as I know he wouldn’t have forgotten about what happened last time. Logically as the role play is for me to be a prostitute I would guess PS is going to choose risky outfits anyway. I don’t know, I will try not to over analyse.
When I read PS message it did make me very excited. Although it is not one we have done before, we have talked about this kind of Roleplay in the past and certainly about the idea of a car being involved. I like the idea of being ‘picked up’ from the road side, I guess it plays a bit to my kink of humiliation. Someone could see and actually think I am a hooker, just writing it is flushing my cheeks with embarrassment.
To get prepared for any Roleplay both PS and I like to think about the back story a bit. We do this separately so it is a surprise and makes it feel more realistic when talking in character. I have already thought of a name for my persona and how she is going to act. I don’t like to go any more in-depth than that as I will just forgot it by the time it comes to doing the Roleplay, out of nerves and I have a terrible memory. But I know PS goes a lot more in depth, especially as he usually takes the lead within the Roleplay and knows what direction he wants it to go.
The part of PS message that I nearly missed when reading it was about the possibility of me being filmed. This I find intriguing. I made a film for PS years ago of me masturbating and left it on the desktop of his laptop for him to watch. Other than that it’s not something we have done. I like the idea of being filmed, it appeals to a side of me. But I’m not sure I would actually want to watch it afterwards, I think it would make me quite uncomfortable and cringe.
I hope everything goes to plan and if it does we may consider going away more often. I know it will be good for us both. We will let you know how we get on.