What if I feel she is completely right, not an uncommon feeling. How can I tell her not to get angry at me, if it’s completely justified. My dominance is lost, I look selfishly inward on myself.
When such problems occur Gem wants me to punish her, for being rude or disrepectful for example. It’s important to distinguish this from funishment. A spanking does not count, she’d enjoy it too much. It has to be something that makes her feel properly chastised.
I’m hesitant about this, I guess I didn’t understand why she would want that. Where was the fun in doing something to make her feel bad on purpose. I asked her to make a list of punishments also asking when they would be appropriate.
Here are a few examples:
– Leave me naked facing the wall
– Write lines
– Force me to eat something I don’t like
– Put me in the shower and spray me with cold water
– Wash my mouth out with soap
The last two being of particularly difficult to consider. But now I had a clearer idea of what Gem wanted.
The following week Gem snapped at me, I hadn’t done something that I should have. That was fair enough, but she swore at me and in front of the children. This is not ok.
Did I want to punish her? No. I didn’t want to do anything, I wanted to take away the D/s dynamic and be annoyed in the usual way. An hour later we talked about it, Gem had to convince me to punish her. She made me see it from her point of view, chastising her affirms the guilt she feels after doing wrong. I couldn’t do it then, I’d have to wait until the evening. I had the whole day to think about what I’d do.
I’ll let Gem describe what happened that evening.
PS told me that before play could start I would be punished. He led me into the kitchen and washed my mouth out with soap. Of course I felt bad already for disrespecting PS, especially in front of the children but I think the punishment wasn’t effective. I enjoyed it. I quite like PS using humiliation in play and I think this played to that too much. Plus the blinds were open and our sink is right in front of the window. I guess the element of someone possibly seeing was somewhat exciting too.
Punishments are not to be enjoyed. So I had to think again. Turns out something she dislikes more than soap in the mouth or being humiliated is a ball gag. It fits the disrepectful nature of saying something she shouldn’t. Typically a 10 minute time out with no eye contact. Initially I bought it for fun during scenes. But with its new use I can feel dominant again about punishment. I will try to find more things that Gem will dislike, rather than accidently turning her on.