Punish Her

DSC_0005When Littlegem feels down my dominance can help. This may seem simple but it doesnt always work like that. There are times I’ve done something wrong and she’s snapped at me. A stern reminder of who’s in charge is the remedy that could solve this. But I don’t.

What if I feel she is completely right, not an uncommon feeling. How can I tell her not to get angry at me, if it’s completely justified. My dominance is lost, I look selfishly inward on myself.

When such problems occur Gem wants me to punish her, for being rude or disrepectful for example. It’s important to distinguish this from funishment. A spanking does not count, she’d enjoy it too much. It has to be something that makes her feel properly chastised.

I’m hesitant about this, I guess I didn’t understand why she would want that. Where was the fun in doing something to make her feel bad on purpose. I asked her to make a list of punishments also asking when they would be appropriate.

Here are a few examples:

– Leave me naked facing the wall
– Write lines
– Force me to eat something I don’t like
– Put me in the shower and spray me with cold water
– Wash my mouth out with soap

The last two being of particularly difficult to consider. But now I had a clearer idea of what Gem wanted.

The following week Gem snapped at me, I hadn’t done something that I should have. That was fair enough, but she swore at me and in front of the children. This is not ok.

Did I want to punish her? No. I didn’t want to do anything, I wanted to take away the D/s dynamic and be annoyed in the usual way. An hour later we talked about it, Gem had to convince me to punish her. She made me see it from her point of view, chastising her affirms the guilt she feels after doing wrong. I couldn’t do it then, I’d have to wait until the evening. I had the whole day to think about what I’d do.

I’ll let Gem describe what happened that evening.

PS told me that before play could start I would be punished. He led me into the kitchen and washed my mouth out with soap. Of course I felt bad already for disrespecting PS, especially in front of the children but I think the punishment wasn’t effective. I enjoyed it. I quite like PS using humiliation in play and I think this played to that too much. Plus the blinds were open and our sink is right in front of the window. I guess the element of someone possibly seeing was somewhat exciting too.

Punishments are not to be enjoyed. So I had to think again. Turns out something she dislikes more than soap in the mouth or being humiliated is a ball gag. It fits the disrepectful nature of saying something she shouldn’t. Typically a 10 minute time out with no eye contact. Initially I bought it for fun during scenes. But with its new use I can feel dominant again about punishment. I will try to find more things that Gem will dislike, rather than accidently turning her on.

3 Replies to “Punish Her

  1. Hi,l thanks for posting this. This is the thing I have LEAST UNDERSTOOD about D/s, where it is supposedly for mutual enjoyment, I imagine I can get if someone gets off on pain, or impact play, or bondage, or whatever. But THIS EXACT ISSUE befuddles me: “I’m hesitant about this, I guess I didn’t understand why she would want that. Where was the fun in doing something to make her feel bad on purpose?” I believe that you are relatively new to D/s and not so deep in this that you might have a fresh viewpoint on this, and I do not know your full backstory. Why did punishment get REQUESTED by Gem (is that how you refer to her?), or did you ask first to add it first to your dynamic? Is it just that in retrospect she feels bad and so want this to help her guilt, or is it that she cannot control herself and thinks this will teach her to, or a kind of emotional masochism? When you were :”vanilla” I am sure she did similar things (all couples argue from time to time), and you simply reconciled, I imagine. So where is the pleasure or satisfaction to the recipient in something that supposed to be unpleasant by definition? Also, would she be angry if you punished her, if she was angry in the first place? If so, how does it help your relationship? You asked the question but then gave answers about what punishments might work, rather than really explaining the thinking on the WHY of asking for it in the first place and how she might react when you say you will punish her in the first place, even though she claims to want it up front. Insights into that would be appreciated, as I guess I might get the BDSM element of things more than the punishment–D/s element.

    1. Hi Gary, we’re about 5-6 months into our D/s dynamic and have been together for 10 years. Over that time you get used to dealing with things in a certain way. Gem wants me to punish her as it reaffirms her position as a submissive. Yes she likes the emotional masochism side, so finding appropriate punishment can be a challenge.
      In many ways it’s good for my dominance too, when clear D/s roles are established that is when we are happiest.
      This is a learning curve and is something I need to improve at. If I can get the punishment balance right there should be no need for arguments in a way there was during our vanilla relationship.
      You bring up some good points so I hope this helps.

    2. Hello Gary,

      In our dynamic we have certain rules in place, one of these is that I respect PS and his decisions. In the heat of the moment I sometimes lash out verbally which is not respectful so I am to be punished as a way of correcting this behaviour. Yes this did happen in our vanilla lives and we would talk about it after and I would apologise, but in our D/s dynamic things are different. It is disrespectful and we felt correction would help on top of the usual talking etc.

      You ask if there is pleasure for myself, no there isn’t meant to be, hense finding suitable punishment has been difficult. I am somewhat of a masochist so physical and emotional pain (in way of humiliation) are turn ons for me.

      You asked how does this help our relationship, I think PS covered it in his reply saying it reaffirms our positions.

      I hope this helps, thanks for your comment!

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