If I’d gone back in time, told myself I would be writing a blog on the internet about my sex life, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Meet me in real life, and I don’t want to disappoint, but I probably would be very awkward. If I’m out with my family I’ll be pushing the pushchair. This leads to older women (generally) talking to me, which I don’t mind, I just don’t feel totally comfortable. Especially when we’re in a supermarket and we need to leave, I don’t want to appear rude.
When we began our D/s journey Littlegem asked if we could get involved in local groups. Meeting new people to talk about personal things terrified me, so it was a no. There’s even a munch not far from where we live so there was no excuse.
I looked online, not knowing where it would take me. I found a blog about a sub in a fairly new D/s dynamic. Sweetgirl’s journal was just the thing I was looking for. It gave me perspective of what Gem needed, since she had asked me to be her dom.
I showed Gem, she enjoyed it too. So much that she contacted Sweetgirl. It’s from there we learnt about the Safeword Club. A place where those who are married or in long term relationships can discuss their dynamics. This was our biggest step, going onto a chatroom to talk to real people.
Suddenly we were talking to the most welcoming people. Submissy and HisLordship run the site as well as having their own blogs, both of which are fantastic. They were instrumental in the early days of our D/s dynamic. Having gone from someone that knew nothing about being a dom, I felt so much more than that. I had to tell them. I couldn’t sleep one night so wrote up an email. The back of my mind, the old/really awkward me, telling me not to do it.
So I wrote it, slept on it, then sent it in the morning. I worried that I sounded crazy. But I got a lovely reply, almost as long as mine. From there we received the support we both need. Now look at us, writing about ourselves, which has been much more enjoyable than we imagined.
So now I try and push myself to communicate. After all, getting to know people has been so beneficial. What was I worried about?
Maybe in the future I’ll be less awkward in the supermarket next time someone speaks to me.