Some Kind of Monster


You want me to do what?! Of course I don’t say this, but I’m thinking it.

Littlegem and I are painting a shed in the garden, it is early in our D/s relationship and we are talking about our favourite thing.

“So you know I like rough sex” she says. I press her on this as I find it too vague, I need clear answers.

Biting, scratching and being pinned down forcefully are some of the answers, so far so normal for our relationship. But she looks nervous, she clearly hasn’t finished.

“I would like it if you choked me” she continues, hoping for a positive response. I probably didn’t give her the reaction she wanted, I probably had a face of fear and panic.

I needed to get over the emotional side, one that tells you not to hurt your partner. After all I have these emotions because I love her and life has taught me to respect her in a way differently to that of a D/s relationship. It can be difficult initially to get out of that mindset.

I love touching Gem’s neck, it’s a vunrable and sensitive part of her body that can send her into a more submissive mood. So holding my hand around her neck more forcefully was the next step, pushing her against a wall, staring deeply into her eyes.

But it doesn’t stop there, so many kinks can push our sub’s physical and emotional boundaries, but a Dom may also need the time to deal the emotional side. For me I tend to have these thoughts.

1. How can I do this safely? For me knife play has stumbled at this point for a while now.

2. Will she really enjoy it? Getting your head around the fact your wife wants you to cover her bottom in bruises and welts from impact play.

3. Will I enjoy it? After all I can’t perform a con non con scene if I’m not aroused.

In the heat of a scene it can come more easily. I have listened to what she wants of me and have planned what I’m going to do.

I havent asked, I’ve taken.
I’ve put her in door restraints and a spreader bar.
I’ve spanked, cropped and caned her bottom almost to her limits.
I’ve reached inbetween her legs, feeling how turned on she is I tell her what a dirty girl she is for enjoying what I’m doing to her.
I’ve released her from the restraints, caught her as she drops, laying her on the floor.
I’ve got on top of her, one hand supporting myself, the other wrapped around her neck.
I’ve used her for my own pleasure, forcing myself inside, ignoring any resistance.

When it’s over, we’re both a sweaty mess. Dark thoughts enter my mind. I can feel like a monster. How have I become this person?

I’ve called her the most disgusting things and have used her as my own personal play thing in a way that, from the outside, looks like I have no regard for her well-being.

As we progressed I have became more confident, more comfortable doing the things I considered edgey. I have to admit now, when we do it, it feels good. Call it topspace, sadism, whatever you will, I am in control and I have power.

I have to make sure I don’t become complacent. Just because something worked before it doesn’t mean it will every time. Read the signs, the body language, listen out for any safeword.

Take your time to process what might not be comfortable. But when it does, don’t forget the safety of your partner or yourself.

What a difference since painting that shed. The fence still needs doing, I wander what we’ll discuss then.

IMPORTANT: Choking your partner is dangerous, do your research about how to choke as safely as possible before you start.

2 Replies to “Some Kind of Monster

  1. I am so pleased that you wrote this post Purple Sole. I think that there are a lot of Dominants who will relate to feeling this at the start; also for the subs who are reading I think it is helpful to be aware of how their partners may feel. 🙂

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